Super-feminists annoy me.
So much.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling confident. With being comfortable with yourself. With being independent and able to handle things on your own.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to treat you like an equal and not a slave.
There's nothing at all wrong with wanting to be able to carry things, or to be highly educated. With wanting to know how to fix a car engine, or change a flat tire, or play with power tools. (Power tools are quite fun.)
BUT
There is also nothing wrong with being a semi-decent person with a little bit of humanity.
There's nothing wrong with being nice to people.
There is nothing wrong with having people want to be nice to you.
Check out the veins in her neck. I think she's going to explode in a fit of apoplexy.
The super-over-the-top kind of feminists are always (and this is not a hasty generalization, here. They really are
always) the kind of people who get offended at everything. We can't please them, no matter what we do.
Nobody likes fault-finders, and nobody likes the perpetually offended. When you're like that, people see you as the wicked witch of the west.
This article. Honestly, it flabbergasts me. People are so... lame. Look at the comments, though. Nearly all of them, and certainly all of the highest ranking ones, disagree with the weirdos who wrote the article. (As do I.) Deep down, people are still good, decent, respectful people. It's nice to know.
On Carrying and Door-holding
It's nice when guys hold a door for someone. It is also nice when a girl holds a door. This is a
gender irrelevant act of basic humanity.
If a guy holds your door or carries your bag:
- It is not because he thinks you can't do it on your own.
- It is not because he wants to make fun of you.
- It is not because women are inherently useless.
- And it is definitely not because you look weak and helpless.
Most guys aren't that stupid. They are completely aware that you have arms. They are aware that your arms move, and that they are capable of turning door knobs. Sometimes guys are just nice. They are kind to their fellow humans. One way of showing it is by helping people. The end.
I open doors for people all the time, both guys and other girls. It's polite. Manners, people. Manners. And we wonder why the world is going downhill so fast. *facepalm*.
Also, I repeat my earlier statement. There is nothing wrong with being a person that others want to be kind to.
If you are a nice, decent human, other people will treat you nice and decently back. It's the natural way of things. Happiness and goodness spreads around. And none of it has anything to do with weakness.
Still, some people get totally offended at door opening and package carrying. But really, if you actually want people to stop being nice to each other, you have serious problems.
There are other considerations, too. Sometimes, it might be that a guy actually likes you. It happens, occasionally. A guy will have a crush on you. Presumably this is before he discovers that you are a vituperative grinch. But whatever the case, if a guy shows that he likes you by doing nice things for you, this would be considered a good thing.
(Unless you prefer the club toting 'Me want you for wife' types. That's up to you.)
But really, the only type of men worth having are the types that will be loving in a relationship. Love, by nature and definition, includes acts of kindness.
And another thing, say thank you, and shut up.
It Does. Not. Matter. If you asked for the guy to help you or not. When someone does something nice for you, it is common courtesy to say thank you. Even when it was unexpected, and unasked for.
In fact, it's rather more important when it's unexpected. Asking someone to carry your suitcase for you sort of negates the "random acts of kindness" aspect of it all. But when they do it just out of sheer nice-ness... get over your stubborn, prideful self and just say thanks.
Not that you can't ask, when you need help. It's fine. And still say thanks. But it's an important part of love and humanity to do nice things, even when you aren't asked.
I was reading a blog post on the subject. This is the end of it.
"Holding doors open isn’t something you need to do just for women. It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman. If you get to the door first before a dude, holding the door open for him is completely fine.
"A gentleman should always hold the door open for someone who is more physically burdened than him. If you see an older person, a person with an obvious physical aliment, or a person holding a crap load of packages, hold the door open for them no matter if they’re a man or a woman.
"And if someone opens a door for you, always smile and say, “Thank you!”"
Yes. It is the truth.
On Being Human
I found this picture on the same blog post. The caption of it was "Relationships: They're about natural reciprocity, not tit-for-tat score keeping."
Amen, brother. Amen.
This is his section discussing the matter. I think he covers it pretty well.
"Before we get to the ins and outs of door opening, let us take a moment to discuss its place in modern society, because not everyone feels its a tradition worth preserving. There are some women who are offended by it because they think it implies the inferior status of women–that women are too weak to open doors for themselves.
"Kate thinks that if you’re dating a woman who takes umbrage at having the door opened for her, that’s a red flag, because it signals that she does not understand that a woman can be smart and independent while still being playful about gender roles. I can’t really speak to that, so I’ll let the ladies duke it out.
"Then there are men who think you shouldn’t do things like open doors for women because if women want to be fully independent and equal these days, then they need to give up being treated with any special consideration.
"To me this is an entirely wrong-headed approach to relationships, because it’s premised on the idea that everything must be tit for tat. Yes, you open doors for a woman, but your woman probably does special things for you. If she doesn’t, then that’s the problem, not chivalry itself. It’s madness to think that equality must mean doing the exact same things for each other and constantly keeping score."
This is so true. It isn't that we should stop showing consideration. It's that we should be considerate to everyone.
This also reminds me of something that we learned a lot about in my education classes.
Equal doesn't mean fair.
In the context of education, that means that every child needs different things to help them learn. Some kids are better at math. Others are better at art. The ones who are good at math don't need the same math help as the ones who suck at it. It's not fair if we give very exact time allotments, and use the exact same words and teaching methods on every single child.
I feel like it's the same with life in general. Equal doesn't always mean equal. You can be balanced without being eye for an eye. Everyone needs different things, and everyone can give different things. That's what makes life interesting.
In the words of an occasionally very wise co-worker:
"It's not because I'm less than a man. It's because I'm
not a man."
Well said.
And in conclusion, this picture:
Clearly, this is funny, not serious. So if you're an uber-feminist, don't get your knickers in a twist. It's a joke. But a cute one.
