See, the thing about asking me for recipes is...

That I don't actually use them.

Well, yeah, I do when I'm attempting to bake something, but that happens pretty rarely. And has never resulted in anyone wanting to know how I made whatever-it-turns-out-to-be.

But when I cook, I find they're more like guidelines than actual rules.

There are three things in particular for which people always ask me for the recipe. I always tell them "I just put these things in it." Then they say, "ok, cool. Can you send it to me in an email?" (Or on facebook, or on the blog, or whatever.) As if I haven't just told them everything I can.

But for the sake of trying to help you replicate these foods, I will tell you as much as I can, complete with a few tips about things that probably cause the difficulties with most people.

#1: Pork Roast & Rice

Probably the food I make with the biggest deliciousness to easiness ratio. Here's what I do.

- First, buy a couple of these:

(Offbrand works just as well. How many just depends on how much juice you need/how big your pork roast is.)

- Put some water into a crock pot. Dump the gravy mix in. Stir till dissolved.

(Half the point of these is just to work the same as bouillon. Except I've never seen pork bouillon cubes. The other half is that it has some good-on-pork spices. One of my goals in life is to figure out what these spices are so I can make it without store bought stuff. But the package just says "Spices". Helpful, right?)

- Then, dump a bunch** of salt and onion powder into the water. Stir till dissolved.

**When I say a bunch, obviously I mean within reason. We won't be using an entire bag of salt or anything. But the problem that most people have with cooking food like this is that they have no concept of putting in enough spice for a large amount of food. They sprinkle some salt onto the water like they're just seasoning their plate at dinner. That just don't work with a five pound roast. You literally have to dump some in and stir it around. If I had to guess at an amount for a big roast, I'd say 3-4 tablespoons of each at the very least. Probably more. But like I said, I've never actually measured it.

- Finally, put the roast into the water and let it cook. It can be done in a few hours, but it tastes the best if you let the spices really cook into the meat, so overnight is preferable. Just make sure to check it has enough water before you go to sleep. Don't want it to burn.

- If you let it cook long enough, it will disintegrate into pulled pork all on its own, and you can make it into a hawaiian haystack gravy topping.

(Which is LEAGUES beyond cream of chicken soup. I got no problem with cream of chicken. I use it in things all the time. But all by itself, it really doesn't taste like anything. At all. And makes a very disappointing gravy.)

- I just use instant rice. Follow the box directions (which are almost always 1 cup of rice to 1 cup of water). But instead of using just water, substitute some of it for meat juice from the crock pot.

#2 Spaghetti Sauce

Sure, it's easy enough to pop open a can of prego and microwave it. But that's on the same level as using plain cream of chicken for your hawaiian haystacks. Sufficient, but generally disappointing.

- First, fill a crock pot with some water. (Not too much right at first.)

- Dump in salt, onion powder, Italian seasonings, and some garlic (but not as much of it as the onion powder and salt. It has a stronger flavor.)

- Mix in some cans of tomato paste.

Two of the 4 inch tall cans for a normal sized crock pot. Three for a large one.

- Add more water until it's to your preference for runniness vs. thickness.

- Add a stick of butter. (Yes, a whole one. A little more if you're making a giant three can batch.)

- While that starts to simmer, cook up some hamburger meat. How much just depends on what you like in your sauce, but generally a lot makes the sauce taste better than just a little. Use onion powder liberally on it as it cooks.

-When it's browned, put it in the sauce.

- Let simmer overnight when possible, but at least a few hours before eating. Maximum simmer awesomeness happens when you cook it overnight, but not quite a full day.

#3 REAL Chicken Noodle Soup

None of that brothy nonsense.

- Cook some chicken in a pan with plenty of butter and onion powder.

- Chop chicken into small pieces.

- Using the same pan, (In order to get the broth-making flavors) boil some water. Not too much, or it will be runny.

- Make some noodles in the boiled water. (Egg noodles or regular both work, depending on what flavor you want.)

- DON'T DRAIN THE WATER

The reason this soup works is because of the chicken flavors that get cooked into the noodles and broth.

- As they cook, add liberal amounts of onion powder, salt, and butter. And bouillon if you want.

- Once the noodles are cooked, add 2 large cans of cream of chicken soup and the chopped chicken pieces.

- Let simmer for a few minutes, until the cream of chicken is fully mixed with the broth.

This will make you a good, thick, delicious soup. None of that gross looking brothy crap. Which some people try to improve by adding vegetables and stuff to it. Doesn't work.

Also, the best part about this soup is that it is better as leftovers. It holds over in the fridge really well.

Well, that's all I've got for today. Lata.