Calvin's comeback tour Preview!

After nearly two years with hardly an audience to speak of, Calvin has announced that he plans to come back into the public eye once again. He's a little rusty, having been forgotten by most, but he's warming up with this video, and he plans to do even more. So give a great big round of applause for CALVIN!!

Why I did not vote for Obama.

Contrary to what you may think on reading this title, the majority of this post has nothing to do with arguing a political standpoint. It's not about platform issues or promise keeping. You see, there is a much more subtle reason behind my voting for NOT Obama. That reason is:

He seriously creeps me out. The for real jibblies.

I'm not kidding. I'm not trying to brag or anything, and be all like "I told you so", but I am honestly not surprised that he isn't keeping any of his campaign promises. I knew before the election even got into full swing that there was something not on the level with him. And it didn't have anything to do with his supposed political beliefs. No joke. Neither did it have anything to do with his political party, who he was running against, or the fact that he was black (well, in a manner of speaking. He's hardly looks black to me. Kind of a dark tan.)

See, I didn't know anything about him coming into the election, except that I vaguely remembered his name from a Chicago election four years earlier. And I don't even remember what that election was from. I just remember someone making a big deal over it, and me not caring. I'm terrible at keeping up with politics and platforms and everything. So it wasn't any of that.

All I know is that I randomly turned on the tv one day before the election, and some kind of campaign speech was on CNN. So I started watching a little bit of it. About five minutes into it, I got this really creepy feeling about him. I don't know exactly why, or what it was. I mean, it's not like he was saying anything weird. All I heard was "change, change, change" and I was just trying to figure out "change what?" just in an honest wanting to know what he stood for way. I don't think I even knew who he was running against yet, and I think I only knew he was the democrat candidate because of something about Hilary Clinton and primaries

So yeah, I don't remember anything from his speech, besides change over and over. I don't remember what his political stance was, or what promises he made. I just remember thinking that it would be a bad thing to vote for him. You probably think I'm retarded for voting based on that. It sort of sounds like those phone psychics that really don't know what they're talking about. And that's ok. Because you have the right to stand up for what you believe in, too. Free speech is for everyone, not just the people who believe the same as you do. All the same, though, that honestly was my main motivating factor. One speech was all it took, and I just had a persistent bad vibe from him. Every other time I ever saw him on tv, I remembered that creepiness factor, and just couldn't like him, even if he sounded really good.

Zoom forward in time to now. We've got this health care reform whatsit going on. Now, I'm not saying the systems in America don't need some improvement. And I'm not saying I even understand all the ramifications of whatever that thing is that just passed. I don't have the political intelligence to know what different things mean, and what exactly will happen because of it.

But I do know two things: One, the way they passed that bill was seriously fishy, and two when people come together across party lines to be mad together at congress, something is seriously wrong with whatever congress did.

As for that first one, I may not understand all about the inner workings of washington, but I've watched school house rock, and I know the basics of what is supposed to happen up there. I know that the way things are supposed to work is that we vote for people to go up to congress, and when they go there, they are supposed to vote for stuff based on how the people who elected them want. This cuts out a lot of hassle, because in a country with millions of citizens, you just can't have a full out vote every time you need to pass anything. Needless to say it hasn't really worked that way for a while, but it's apparently gotten a lot worse this time.

Because from what I understand, and correct me if I'm wrong, the way this particular health bill passed is this:

There were lots of people in congress who wanted to pass the bill, but the people they represented didn't.

They needed to find a way to pass the bill without having to tell their constituents that they voted for it.

They came up with this plot to do so.

There was something else that was being voted on. To the end of this other thing, they attached a clause.

The clause basically said that as soon as this bill that it's attached to gets voted on and passed, the health care bill also gets passed by default.

They voted on this other bill with the attached clause.

When that bill got passed, the health care reform also got passed without being voted on.

Now, I don't know about you, but this seems like the epitome of dishonesty. It's basically like king George III coming back again, and telling us we don't need representation in congress, because they know what's best for us, and we shouldn't worry about it. It entirely defeats the purpose of having a representative government in the first place. And it's most definitely against the constitution.

I don't care if the health care is good or bad (which I get the impression it's bad, but we'll talk about that in a sec.) I don't care if the bill that clause was attached to is extremely interrelated to the health care bill. I don't care about all the little specifics of any of that. Because the point is that our government just passed a bill without voting on it, and without the support of the majority of the American people. Because, let's face it, if enough people wanted that bill to pass, they wouldn't have had to worry about their little scheme. They wouldn't have to worry about their precious little careers, because "oh, look at me, I didn't vote for the bill".

Guess what, there might be lots of really stupid people out there, but not as many of them as you think. People are going to notice that everyone is saying they didn't vote for the bill, and yet somehow the bill is passed and ready to go. 2 and 2 still equal 4 even if you try to convince us it's five.

Now, as for that second thing. There are two things in this world that can cause tempers to flare faster than anything else: politics and religion. Normally people of different political parties and views tend to butt heads about lots of stuff. I have friends on my facebook from four different parties (if you count independent as a party). I've seen a lot of differing opinions about stuff through my time on facebook just based on people's statuses.

So when I see every single facebook status that talks about this health care reform to be against it... literally, every one of them that talks about it at all... (many from people in the medical professions) there's gotta be something going on. When people from all different parties are mad about the same thing, and they cross party lines to unite against something, that's a sure sign that whatever it is they're mad about is a pretty bad thing.

Like I said before, I don't know all the ramifications of this health care bill. I don't know what it means for our money or spending, or national debt, or insurance, or being able to get care when I'm sick... I don't know. I know what lots of other people tell me it means, but I've had differing opinions on it, and I haven't had a really good, in depth discussion on it. So I can't honestly stand up and say it's good, or it's bad. I don't know. But because of this uprising against it, I'm not feeling too optimistic about it.

But that's still almost beside the point. I mean even if it was 100% a good thing for America (which I'm definitely sure it isn't, because nothing out of Washington is 100%) the fact is that the American people didn't support it.

"And thus every man, by consenting with others to make one body politic under one government, puts himself under an obligation, to every one of that society, to submit to the determination of the majority, and to be concluded by it; or else this original compact, whereby he with others incorporates into one society, would signify nothing, and be no compact, if he be left free, and under no other ties than he was in before in the state of nature. For what appearance would there be of any compact?" John Locke

Basically, when you join a society, you make a promise to abide by the laws that the majority of the people in the society determine. In giving up a few small freedoms to the will of the majority, you get in return protection from the chaos that anarchy would natural bring. But if you refuse to follow the will of the majority, the contract is null and void. There is no contract anymore.

This might be a smidge off the topic, but sometimes I think people forget this. They want to be as free as someone living completely alone in the middle of nowhere, where there is no government. IE to "do whatever they want". That's a phrase people use all the time. But you have to also remember that when you're in that state of complete freedom, so are other people. If someone comes in and steals your animals or your food, or your wife and kids, they're perfectly within their rights to do so. You have your right to defend yourself, but if you lose, sucks to be you. That's just how it is. Everyone has complete freedom.

That's why, according to Locke, people form governments in the first place. They give up a lot of control to the will of the majority, and in return the will of the majority can protect you from having your stuff vandalized, or your wife murdered, or whatever. It can punish the people that do those things, and do their best to make sure it doesn't happen. There are certain unalienable rights that no government should be allowed to take away, but generally, if you agree to be in that society, you agree to follow whatever the majority says.

But lots of people want both. They want to be protected by laws, and have other people restricted from doing anything that would hurt them, but at the same time they still want the right to do "whatever they want". That's counter-logical. You can't have a one sided contract. Like Locke says, there are some things that should never be taken away, and if they are, you have the right to break that contract, and change the society. But most stuff you can't complain about because that's just how things work. You agreed in your contract to be subject to the will of the majority.

Now, you can work to try to change that will. You can campaign, and inform, and do a lot of work to get people to realize why you think things should be a certain way and views do shift back and forth. But generally, you are bound by the will of the majority.

Coming back to the point, though, that's why this thing is really bad. Because a small minority of the people in the society are trying to get everyone else to be bound by a law that was NOT passed by the will of the majority. According to Locke, the founding fathers, and the constitution, this is a clear violation of the American contract. The really sad thing is, though, that while people may inherently have the right to fight back, sometimes it isn't possible. Sometimes the government gets too much control and too much force, and the millions of people have a choice to either be subject to the will of the few, or get painfully executed.

Luckily we aren't there yet. As much as it might seem otherwise, we are still very free. The fact that I'm talking about this online in a public blog and NOT getting arrested and tortured because of it means that there is plenty of hope left. But who knows where that will go.

Anyway, that's the scoop on me. Why I didn't vote for Obama, why I'm still glad I didn't, and why I feel sort of justified in partaking of a little "Haha, told you so". You can disagree if you like. And feel free to correct any facts I got wrong. But please don't start bashing each other, me, or anyone else over the comment box. Because I'm just gonna delete it if it turns retarded. Yelling at random people over a comment box never accomplished anything (although sometimes it is a cause for great amusement to more intelligent onlookers. :P )

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ

Catch 22

I wanted to put some pics up, but I didn't. Sorry. But you'll live. I'll make up for it next time.

Sometimes there are things that you just can't do anything about. And it's really obnoxious. One of those things is waiting for someone else to do something for you. Like when you say, "Oh, I need that picture, email it to me." And they tell you they will. Most of the time they never do. This drives me crazy. I mean, I forget stuff too, but I can only think of one time where I really spaced something bad. IE meeting someone on campus to exchange each others things that we had. I didn't even go. Because I forgot. But it was a one time thing. Usually I do what I say I'm gonna do, even if my timing isn't always the same as yours. Like dishes. If I say I'll wash my pan, then I will. Just because I don't stand up and go do it as I'm telling you I will doesn't mean that it won't happen. But I do understand why people think that way. Because I don't trust people to ever do what they say either. Not anymore. Because they never do. And it's a sad thing.

Another example: waiting for responses in the mail for something. Jobs, college apps, scholarships, letters from your best friend who's in another country, etc. I am currently doing this. Waiting for a company to reply to me. There's still three weeks and 6 days before I can reasonably expect anything, though. And I made a promise to not complain so much about it while I'm just sitting here in limbo. I hate waiting. But I won't elaborate.

There's another of life's little ironies that's bothering me more, now, than having large portions of my life dedicated to trusting people to do what they're supposed to do. People have been discussing this since the beginning. There seems to be two general trains of thought here. One, if I'm not gorgeous, rich, and famous, I'm not worth anything. Two, it's what's on the inside that counts. 95% of people claim to believe in the second one. But believing in something theoretically, and believing in it for real are two different things.

If everyone who claimed to believe that looks don't matter actually did believe it, there would be no market for stupid crap like $600 dollar shoes, and $1,200 suits, and $5,000 dollar dresses. Things like Gucci, and Vera Wang, and whatever that company is with the initials (it's like D & B or D & G or something. I dunno) wouldn't exist. Some stuff like Nike or Reebok might still be around because of actual product quality, but they wouldn't be price-jacked for the mere reason that they are a name brand. Actors in movies would get paid much more normal salaries for doing what they do. Teachers would actually get paid more what they deserve to get. Half the lawyers around wouldn't even be necessary. Politicians would actually be trustworthy (can you even picture that?) The list goes on, and on, and on with the things that would be different if all people actually believed what they claim to.

But the world isn't like that. Which is a sad thing. But if you really do believe that looks don't make a person, and that the inside is much more important, why should you care? Who actually bothers with caring about other people spending $1,000 on a shirt? You may think that I don't really believe that for the simple reason that I'm even talking about it. But here's the catch. The irony that makes a lot of things in life so much harder than they really need to be.

As completely true as that statement may be, the mere fact that so many people don't really believe it like they say makes it so that those who do still have to cater to those who don't.

What does that even mean? It means that when there's someone like me, who fits none of the conventional standards of being "beautiful" or "socially in", I can't get as far in life as someone who does. Even if it's stupid. It means that even though having Gucci shoes does not in any way change your personality or work ethic, you are more likely to get hired because you fit the convention. You "look nicer". It means that even though you're a guy who might make someone an amazing husband, if you don't try to look like all the other guys, and dress like all the other guys, no one will notice you.

Yes it's true that as you get to know someone, your perspectives about them change drastically. Once you get to really know someone, they even physically look different. It really happens, and it's proof that it is true about what's inside. It does matter way more. It is also true that people who don't bother with all of that lame-ness are generally happier in life. So worldly advancement isn't everything anyway. BUT how do you even get someone to try to get to know you that well, if you don't first fit all of the stereotypical attractive guy or girl qualities? Or how do you get enough of a job in the whole worldly advancement to support your family? Seriously, it's obnoxious.

And because of this problem, I see many of my friends who are the most amazing people I know, settle for the first guy who dated them, simply because they feel like it's the best they can get. Or maybe the best they deserve. Which is not true. Sometimes this is fine. Sometimes they're lucky, and the first guy who dated them just happened to be a one in a million guy. But it sometimes it doesn't, and now they're stuck with some lazy slob who won't even put the toilet seat down because "I actually work hard all day." Yeah, as opposed to, I don't know, raising a kid! Yeah, that's not hard at all. Ugh. People like that are reason number one for why I should never own a baseball bat. Because I would be WAY too tempted to use it. On their skulls.

I don't remember the exact quote, but someone said basically that every single person out there has the hope for that perfect person. But it should be more than hope. Every person has the RIGHT to be with someone who will treat them like they deserve, love them like they deserve, and have all of the same values and standards. It's a right, not just a fleeting hope.

But back to business. Why do I care about all this? Well, for one, if a friend of mine gets screwed over, it kind of makes me mad. And I dwell on it unhealthily often. (I'm gonna be a terrible mother in law some day. *shakes head* ) But also because it happens to me. Often. See, there's really only so much I have the ability to do, to make myself look presentable and business-like. I can put on my nicest clothes. And I can shower, and brush my hair. And I can give all the right answers at the interview. But the simple facts are that sometimes that just isn't enough.

Because I literally have no hair skills. It takes me seriously an hour to get my own hair into a braid that isn't falling apart or crooked. And even then it's iffy. It's not that I don't know how to do it. I just don't have the coordination and vision it takes to make my own hair actually look ok. Even when it's just down. Can't do it. Hence my constant ponytail. And I very rarely have someone around who can just do my hair for me often enough to matter. Very rarely. So I'm pretty much screwed there.

And then there's clothes. I can get proper, nice, even expensive (but usually not) clothes. I can wear them, and try to have good posture, and I can be all fancied up. But no matter what I wear, I still will never, ever look like the stereotype. I'd have to lose like 75 pounds and grow a few inches to even come close. And let's face it, that ain't happening. I have no control over most of those physical attributes. But in a job interview, I get judged on them anyway. So I'm screwed there too. People say I have to try harder to look nice, or try harder to be professional. This is true sometimes, but at others, there isn't anything I can do about it. But people always look down at me thinking I just don't try. I'm sorry that I fail at life-according-to-you.

Then there's stuff I do have control over, but refuse to change. For example, standards, beliefs, or even just generic personality (Meaning what sorts of things I find funny, or my taste in food, or whatever.) There are things that the rest of the world would have me change because it's "In" or "out". They even want to control what music I think is good, or what mode of transportation I use. And that's just plain out retarded. I'm gonna listen to music I think is actually well written music, even if it is 30 or 40 years old. I'm gonna drive in my honda civic if I want to. I seriously don't care about stupid limos. Like honestly. And because I won't change stuff like that, I get judged on it too. And then I'm screwed over again.

There really aren't very many venues for honest self anymore, despite the fact that SOOO many people claim there are. Supposedly it's like the cool thing to claim. Even the people who are all like "gotta be myself." or "that's just me" or trying to be all rebel... did you ever notice that they're all exactly the same as each other? Yeah, epic FAIL.

And so doing my best seems to count for less and less. And even though I still do honestly believe that what's inside me is a whole lot cooler than the outside (Hahaha, it would have to be) I can't show it to anyone without getting past their initial hottness/social in-ness barrier first, however small it may be.

This basically sucks. And it annoys me. I mean it would at least be a step better if people weren't so fake about it. When all the hollywood stars stand up and tell about how they think it's so important to be yourself, and look inside people, I sometimes want to gag. Full out dry heaves. Because a couple of them believe it. But most are just saying lines to look good, which is like the epitome of hypocrisy. And you can almost always tell which is which, unless you have like a -40 IQ. Just get up and say, I want you to like me, and so I'm trying to be hot and awesome and famous. I would respect them a tiny, tiny bit more if they were honest about it.

I've gotta head out soon. So I'm gonna wrap this up. Basically, I just want to say that I have no problem with who I am on the inside. And because I know that, I can say I really do believe that insides count more than outsides. Especially because sometimes when I meet someone who's really a jerk, they start to look ugly to me. No joke. Physical stuff changes in situations like that. Weird, but true. So yeah, there are things I'd like to do better about my inner self. But, mostly I'm pretty cool with it.

I really just wish other people could see the inner self over the somewhat less than super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot exterior. It kinda makes me sad that so many people don't. Hence the blog post. But no worries. "I'm holding on for a hero." There will be no idiot husbands in my future. :P

Why do I have more personality over IM and email than in person?

Because I'm a wussbaby. No, really. Social situations with too many people, even when I know the people, cause me to freak out a little bit. Or a lot'o bit. Especially when they're huge. Like the festival of colors. Cool and everything but I've never been to one. For one, because I've never been invited with any group, but also partly because being in a crowd of that many people makes me totally claustrophobic. *shudders* My guts twist up and I can't enjoy myself, because I'm too busy trying to not be awkwardly scared.

To those of you who keep trying to get me to go to big parties and stuff, but I don't usually come, this is a lot of the reason why. At least when I know the people I will sometimes show, and sometimes it works out ok. But things where I really don't know anyone, not so much. You people are all so social, and even if you claim that you'll stick with me and not let me disappear into the background all alone, it never happens. And I don't blame you for it. I wouldn't want me tagging along like a little lost puppy either.

I'm getting better, though. In my current ward I'm not too bad at all. I still chill in the smaller groups and kinda hang around the edges, but I've once or twice gotten brave enough to just walk up to a group of people and start talking to them. It's really hard for me to do that, but I'm working on it one situation at a time.

But, contrary to what you may think if you only know me from these fearful encounters, I do have a personality. It's not as funny as my sister's or as clever as my friend's, or as eloquent as I wish I could be, but it exists nevertheless. It might be a sad and pitiful thing that you can only get a full glimpse of it over something electronic like a blog, or facebook. At least unless we happen to hang out one on one. Then it starts to show. But at least these things exist.

You see, before these internet based things got really big, there were very few people who got to see the inner me. And most of them saw it at girl's camp, which needless to say is not the best place for taking anyone seriously. ;) But I'm not really meant to be taken seriously. I feel sort of like my job in life is to be the plucky comic relief, even if I'm not very good at it.

So yeah, sad, maybe. Pitiful, probably. But I'm working on it. Now, if you really want to catch a glimpse of what my inner soul and brain looks like in picture form, I have provided two samples for you that may approach getting the idea of it.

I really like this picture. I think it does a marvelous job of illustrating what my brain probably looks like on the inside. Well, at least on a very chill and relaxed day.

On a busier day it might look more like this:

But even with these two fantastically awesome pictures, I'm not sure anyone will really ever be able to imagine the true extent. For example, this morning I woke up in the middle of a dream where me and this other kid had wandered into a freaky Greek Mythology version of disneyland, and all the things in it were real and dangerous. There was this lake that had black water and sandy water not mixed together, just next to each other (I read yesterday on wikipedia about a place on the Amazon river that has that) and in this lake there were sort of mermaids crossed with water nymphs that matched the colors of the water, and they liked to pull people into the lake and drown them. But because I was there, I could help the two kids who got pulled under to escape and they had magical powers once they were out.

Yes, I've been reading too much Fablehaven. I admit.

Anyway, there was loads of other stuff in this crazy weird dream, including having to escape from the greek disneyland mob boss, who I owed some kind of debt or something. His name started with an R but I don't remember what it was anymore. But yeah, loads of other totally random stuff was happening when I woke up, and the background song that was totally stuck in my head as I woke up was A pirate's life for me. Mostly the part that goes "We pillage and plunder, we rifle and sack, drink up me hearties yo ho."

Alright. I pretty much just made this blog post because I wanted to post something and had nothing else to write. So there you go. That is all.

Are you a man or an amoeba?

Wow. I've really run out of things to blog about, and yet here I am, once again posting something that isn't really about anything. Alas.

I'm just gonna type whatever comes into my mind. And right now that isn't much. But you know me... it's probably gonna end up being super long anyway. I don't know how I do it, but I have a gift for stretching even the shortest explanations into a long and drawn out post.

So something popped into my brain, and I'm gonna type about it. You might find it somewhat odd, coming from me. Because I am not boy or man crazy in anywhere near the typical unmarried 24 year old at BYU way. Don't get me wrong, eventually that is what I want. I don't want to be alone for my whole life. One, because that would just suck. And two, because that would really just suck. But I'm honestly not so worried about it. I realize it'll happen when it happens, and I'll have the whole entire rest of my life to be married. Why should I stress about waiting for that a little longer?

What I complain about more often is two things, the second of which is what I was thinking to type about. One, pretty much all of my friends are married. And most of them are having babies. This doesn't make them less my friends. It really just means that I pretty much never, ever see them unless I babysit for them. That leaves me friendless and bored. I have other friends, but almost all of them are newer acquaintances, and so I can't (yet) say and do the same sort of stuff as with my older friends. It'll get there, though. It just isn't right now. And this makes me sad. Because I have literally no social life whatsoever outside of facebook chat.

K, the second thing I like to complain about a lot is guys. And why they're retarded. I really should expand that statement and say that humans in general are retarded. Because it's completely true. There are girls out there that are just as dumb, or more so, than a lot of the guys that annoy me. However, I am not a guy. And therefore I don't know what attracts guys to girls, what annoys them, how they think, or what they talk about when girls aren't around. I've had glimpses, and gotten inklings, but really it's just as much of a mystery why guys are the way they are to us as we are to them. Seriously, people always say that girls are so confusing, but I think it's a two way street.

But, I DO know what I think is cool in guys, and what differentiates the awesome (and sadly rare) ones from the retards and jerks. And so I will therefore attempt to enlighten any male readers to these basic rules. Not that I expect to have that many male readers. I don't have many readers in general. But whatever.

Keep in mind that, while these are general rules as far as I know, some of them might be a little more subjective to my personal preference. Also remember that I will probably forget lots of stuff. This is not a comprehensive, fail-safe list. Here we go: "For a guy to attract a girl"

Rule #1: There might be girls out there who like to see your underwear out the back of your pants, but I've never met one. Every single one I've talked to about this, including roommates, sisters, and classmates, think that this is actually gross. We don't want to see your boxers. Sorry.

Rule #2: Generally speaking, acting like you're mr. Hot-stuff is NOT attractive. People look at you, and instead of thinking you're cute, or you're nice, the first thing they notice is what a big ego you have. And let's face it, if you love yourself that much there's only gonna be so much room for loving the girl. And loving yourself more than the other person inevitably leads to disaster.

Rule #3: There are a few different types of girls. And some girls go right along with this and think it's fine and funny, and all that. But personally I don't. And that thing is stupidity. If you enjoy going out and doing amazingly stupid things because you think it's funny, then you're too intellectually inferior to even want to hang out with. I don't want to hear about all your stupid stories because they aren't funny to me. They're just retarded.

Things that are stupid enough to qualify for this list include stuff like trying to ride on the top of a subway train, bungee jumping with rusty chains that you found in the garage, playing mailbox baseball, pranks that destroy expensive property, the making yourself pass out for no reason game, triple-dog-dares involving whirring blades or crash landings, aiming guns at people, and the list goes on.

Note: Don't get me wrong. I have a sense of humor. And some stuff IS funny. There are many pranks and dares that are awesome. But there's a line. And if you have the potential to die or end up with a hefty jail sentence because of your activity, you probably shouldn't do it. (Or at least don't brag to me about it, because I don't care, and it WON'T make me want to date you).

Rule #4 and #5: I'm putting these two together because they're extremely interrelated. First, it's ok to be straight up with girls. Lot's of guys are afraid of making un-ambiguous statements like "I really like you." or "Will you go on a date with me?" (for me personally, going through a long complicated process to ask someone on a date isn't so much cute, as just an excuse to not be brave enough to just ask). But really, I understand this. Because some girls are really mean. Sometimes you get totally shut down. I'm sorry for that. Because people shouldn't be mean, even if they don't like you that way.

But the next rule has to do with the fact that most of the time the really embarrassing stories (the ones that make all guys afraid to be straight up) happen because of stupidity instead of being honest. If you tell a girl you love her and want to marry her while you're on the first date, chances are she'll avoid you for the rest of your life. If you act like you're still a freshman in high school, and then ask her on a date, she'll probably tell you no. (This, of course, applies to anyone older than a 9th grader).

So you see, there's a clear line between boldness and overbearance. And crossing that line is what makes some guys look really stupid for being straight up. Just use your brain. Now, if you've been dating for a while, and you tell a girl you love her, and she doesn't love you back, sometimes that's gonna hurt, but it will hurt a lot less than finding out way later that she doesn't like you that way. Besides, if you get hurt like that by a girl who totally led you on, you don't want to end up with someone who's not honest like that anyway. But seriously, any girl who's actually worth dating will appreciate that you were honest with her, even if it does become a little awkward because she doesn't think of you that way. She won't think you're a retard, or any of that stuff, unless you cross the overbearance line. Just be warned, if you cross the overbearing line, you're automatically making yourself immortal. Stories of idiot guys who do retarded things can spread like wildfire. This also hurts your chances for future dates.

Rule #6: The "man card". Sometimes guys will joke about having a man card. And if you do something un-manly then your friends can revoke your man card, as a euphemistic way of telling you that they think you're waaaaaay out of line, and don't count as a man anymore. This is the most retarded thing ever. For two reasons. Reason number 1, the majority of the worth-dating girls don't care about your stupid man card. They don't care what your idiot friends think of your manliness. And they don't care what song you sing along to in the car, or what movie you watch, especially if you're doing it FOR a girl. Are you trying to marry a girl, or one of your manly friends? If you're a guy and you're still reading this, clearly the answer is a girl. And therefore clearly it stands to reason that it matters more what the girl thinks of your manliness than what your macho friends do. (For more on this, relating specifically to watching chick flicks, see the second half of my valentine's day post: http://supremechancellorsra.blogspot.com/2010/02/original-recipe-or-extra-crispy.html )

Ok, reason number 2 on why it's a really stupid idea to care about a "man card": Most guys who think so highly of the said man card also think that doing something like the dishes, the laundry, or watching a chick flick actually damages their manhood somehow. (see the link above) These same things that are supposedly damaging to manhood are also things that girls REALLY appreciate from you. And if you never, ever do those things, it's hard on the girl. There is no neutral ground here. You're either doing that stuff and making her adore you even more, or not doing it and causing her to start being way more stressed, and eventually she starts to despise it. I'm not saying you have to be a slave, and do everything that she wants, all the time. She has to do stuff too. But really, it's pretty much ALWAYS a bad idea to choose man card over girl. Your manly friends aren't the ones who get to do all the laundry if you don't do it. And they aren't the ones that you're trying to impress/care for either. So there's really only one option here. Honestly, it makes you much more of a real man to put other people's needs before your own.

Rule #7: Video Games. You have to tread carefully here. Lots of girls like video games just as much as you do. In fact, I enjoy playing them too. I don't play a lot of different ones. Just guitar hero, duck hunt, mario, and the occasional Halo. But I can't think of a single girl that thinks a good time is sitting and watching you play. Sometimes it's interesting to watch my brother beat some kind of really hard level in something, or show me some kind of secret thing he found. Generally that's totally fine. But having someone just sit and watch you play something, even if it's as interesting as guitar hero, gets boring really fast. You either have to do something else (with her) or let her play with you. The key here is with. Being in the same room as each other doesn't count as doing something together. And don't worry... getting beat by a girl in a video game does not revoke your "man card" whatever your friends say. And if you think so, that inherently implies that you think girls are a lesser being than guys. And that is ALWAYS ALWAYS a bad thing to either say, imply, or even think. Because most girls will get really offended at that. And if you ever want to date her again, don't tell her she's an inferior being. If you can't understand why, then you shouldn't be dating anyway. Take a few years to become a real man who uses his brain, and then come back and try again.

Rule #8: Remember that most human beings take inferences from what other people say, but intend what they say to be taken at face value. Girls do this as much as anyone. If you say something, she'll take implications from it. But if you take implications from what she says (even if they really were there), then you're putting words in her mouth. I'm not saying it's right. And I'm not saying only girls do it. I'm just saying that's how it always is.

Rule #9 Wishy washy-ness is NOT an admirable characteristic. I of all people truly understand that it's hard to make executive decisions sometimes. It's not my best quality. But seriously, there's a limit. NO one likes a flake. It's extremely annoying.

The next few things are sort of some little commandments of attracting girls that are obvious. It's clear why you shouldn't do them. But I'm told that guys like things spelled out. So here it is.

Thou shalt NOT:

Lie (about anything.)

Cheat (If you feel the need to cheat on her, you obviously don't really love her like you should. So figure out where you stand, and either fix it or break it off.)

Forget your anniversary (personally I don't care about a dating anniversary. That's unnecessary. But a wedding anniversary... yeah, don't forget that. Because girls infer, and what's implied by that is that the marriage isn't important enough to you to be worth remembering.)

Kiss her for no reason (Either mean it or don't do it. If you do it for any reason aside from loving her, it counts as lying.)

Ignore her when you go someplace (especially when you're with a bunch of your manly friends)

Ignore her opinions on food and movies

Be a lazy slacker (this includes helping with anything. Dishes, taking out the trash, cooking, or even just occasionally holding the door open for her)

So yeah, there are lots and lots of don'ts. For guys and girls. Now I'm gonna list a couple of Do's. Some of these are really important, and some are just useful tips.

1: Some girls are morally opposed to cheese. Romantic evenings, music, roses, etc. I don't know what to tell you about them. There's a whole different way to attract them, I guess. But for everyone else there's Mastercard. Hahaha. Just kidding. Sometimes that's what it seems like though. The big diamonds and the expensive dinners. Just a tip, though, girls like me don't need expensive stuff. You don't have to have very much thoughtfullness to swipe a card at a swanky restaurant. But when you take the time to figure out something she'd really like, and you know her likes and dislikes when it comes to doing things, that counts for a whole lot more.

2:Like I said, some don't like the cheese. But the majority of girls I know are totally suckers for love songs. Whether or not you're musical personally, there's a way to make that happen. You can play a song on the guitar, sing to her, or you can just play a song on the stereo and make sure she knows you're playing it for her. Music does wonders.

3: Flowers NEVER hurt. I mean, I'm really not a flower person myself. I can live with or without them. But I've yet to meet a girl who would be upset that the guy she liked sent her a flower, even if she's not the cheesy type. Seriously, if in doubt, just do it. I have a really hard time imaging that it would ever count against you to send flowers. (except of course in the case of overbearance and stupidity. See rule #5. And even then, it's a lot lower on the list than some stuff.)

4: Be yourself. For you to ever get really close, she's gonna have to see the real you at some point. Not only is it less painful to find out that she doesn't like the real you on the first date instead of the 20th, but it's actually a lot more attractive to see a guy who's natural and comfortable, than one who's making a big scene, or putting on an act. She won't always like the real you, but like I said, it's safer to find that out right away. And if she does like the real you, then it's all the sooner that you get to become closer.

5: One thing I find extremely attractive is to see how much a guy really loves his family, or is trying to be a better person. As long as it isn't an act. (People can generally tell when it is). There are some people who know they need to change, and claim they are gonna do it in order to get the girl. This is not the same. Because that's part of putting on a show. Even if you fully intend to change, if you're not actively doing it, then it's just a nice sounding line. So I don't mean what he tells you, and all that jazz. I mean what you can see in everything around him. Like what he says in his blog, or the way he treats his family, or what the people who have been his friends for a long time know about him. I've heard that the surest way to tell how well a guy is gonna treat you is to look at how he treats his mom. If he totally disrespects his own mother, and doesn't ever listen to her, or help her with anything, then that's a sure sign he's a scumbag. Not everyone's mom is great, and not everyone should always listen to what she says, but that's a far, far cry from disrespecting her.

6: I also find it very attractive when a guy works hard at something. Even if his job is just working the on campus janitorial stuff. It doesn't matter what he's doing for work, or class, as long as he's trying to do his best at it so that he can improve his situation later on. This is also a far different thing than being a work-a-holic.

(see "The Princess and the Frog" for details.)

7: Girls like to hear it straight. Like I said before, there's no girl that's worth your trouble who's gonna treat you horribly for asking "will you go on a date with me". So do be straightforward. I know it's scary. Believe me. I understand. But that's also partly why girls like it so much. Because it shows that you have a spine.

Ok. It's gotten to be quite a bit later than when I started this post. Like three hours later. So I really think I need to bow out now. Especially because this list has the potential to be too long to fit in a blog. And that would be unfortunate. Haha. Or not. You're probably all going "whew, I can't believe I read that whole thing". Unless you got bored at skipped to the end. That's ok, too. :P

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a young prince...

Did you ever notice that fairy tales pretty much never start that way? They're almost always about a young princess, or a young maiden, or whatever. Especially in the whole Disney franchise. I mean some of the princes don't even have names, and the ones that do, people don't know what they are half the time. Like this guy => His official character name is "The Prince". I mean, how one dimensional can you get? Poor guy got cheated. They didn't even need to hire two actors for him, like they did with a lot of people. One for voice, and one for singing. He just sang. I don't honestly remember if he even had any speaking lines. Not that this is too terrible, because singing princes are always much cooler than non-singing ones.

Then, of course, you've got this guy. Prince Charming. You know, I still haven't decided whether that's his character's name because his parents actually named him "Charming", or if they just wanted him to seem more dashing than "The Prince". I'm not really sure what face that is... I think it might be his version of "I just saw the girl of my dreams, and so I'm standing there looking completely ridiculous" face. Which is ok, I guess, but still. You'd think falling in love would look less dull. One thing's for sure... they really have come a long way from that <= to that =>

This is prince Naveen. I haven't seen this movie yet, but I heard it's really good. And this prince has more personality in just one preview than most of the first princes put together. Plus they aren't so generic looking anymore.

And this guy. Prince Edward. He, too, is a drastic improvement on "The Prince" and "Prince Charming". Especially because he, of all the princes, unquestionably has the hottest singing voice. There's something weird about that sword in this pic, though. It's like... translucent or something. *shrug* But three cheers for James Marsden. Woot.

Ah, Prince Philip. We're back to the somewhat more vague looking princes, but this guy was the first one to actually be cool. Where as "The Prince" was in the movie for like 1 minute a the beginning to woo Snow White through song, and then a minute at the end to kiss her and wake her up, this guy actually played a part in the plot. He stormed a castle on horse back, plowed through a giant thicket of briars, and battled an evil enchantress dragon all for his princess. Combine that with the fact that he, too, sings, and I think we have the undisputed winner of the best classic prince award.

Here we have prince Eric. The award he gets is the first disney prince to actually look like a real person. He even has dimples. It's a good thing they finally figured out that princes are people too. Although, honestly, where in all the other movies I knew they were princes, for some reason Eric never seemed like a real prince to me. Perhaps it's because he didn't own a medieval kingdom like all the others. Don't get me wrong, castles on the sea are awesome. But I think my little kid brain refused to accept him as an actual prince until much, much later.

This one is an exciting one. Mostly because very few people know that this prince does, in fact, have a name. And it's not "Beast". Can you imagine his parents... "Honey, it's a boy! What should we call him?" "Oh, I like the name Beast." No, this prince has a name. And it's a boy's name too. :P Sorry, couldn't resist the movie quote. Or the fact that if you don't know what his name is, you're probably really waiting for me to tell you, and the longer I draw it out, the more amusing it is for me to make you wait. Ok, ok. His name is Adam. Prince Adam. Yeah, you'd think that in all that time at the castle, Belle would have thought to at least figure out what his name was. But no. Even after she realized that she loved him, "Beast" was the best she could do. Haha. No, I really do like Belle. She's cool. I just think that sometimes the disney people don't think of all the stuff they should have. Did you also notice that he's the only prince that doesn't have dark hair. They all have brown or black hair. I guess this sort of counts as brown, but I really think they were trying to break out of the tall, dark, and handsome thing. They still really haven't though. They haven't made a single blonde prince that I can think of.

Alright, we've reached the end of our classical princes. But there are two more I just had to add in. Firstly, Aladdin. Because even though he's not a prince by birth, the Genie turns him into a prince, which totally counts. Plus he ends up marrying Jasmine (FINALLY, in the THIRD movie. Took long enough.) who is a princess, and he therefore becomes not just a prince, but the heir to the Sultan. That's a big leap for a guy who grew up stealing food with his monkey friend just to stay alive.

And of course, there's Prince John. Self proclaimed ruler, and antagonist in Robin Hood. He doesn't count as a Disney prince, by any means, but his name has prince in it, and I could resist adding him. Especially in this picture. The classic sucking his thumb moments. So, did you ever notice that he's supposed to be a lion, just like his brother King Richard, but he doesn't actually have a mane? Richard does. Just an interesting note for consideration.

Ok, I am now finished with my discourse on the princes in disney history. The homework may be found on page 42 of the text, and will be due by the start of next class. You are dismissed.