What is wrong with this picture?

Okay, first of all, this:



But no, that's not the picture I was referring to. Here we see a map:

I saw this a while back with a caption that was something like "this is how the world should be."

Cool, right? If only, if only, etc.

No. Not cool, and not okay. This is one of the things that is wrong with the world these days.

(This is the part where you shout with outrage "And you call yourself a nerd!!!??")

Trust me, I'd go live at hogwarts in 1/256th of a second, if I could. Terabithia would be spectacular. And Narnia... dude. Not even a question.  But let us examine the lower right hand corner. There we find Panem, location of the Hunger Games series.

Do I love the Hunger Games?

Yes. Yes I do. 

Movie AND book?

Oh, yeah. 

Would I ever want to live in Panem?

Are you out of your freaking mind? 

Think about it. Would you want to live in a place where a only a very minuscule percentage of the population had enough food to eat, and didn't have cops breathing down their necks?

Where you or your kid could be randomly selected to go slaughter other young kids in a televised blood bath, and most likely get killed in the process?

Where basic needs like soap and grain are so highly regulated that getting access to enough of them is literally to put your life on the line?

Guys, as great a story as the Hunger Games is (and it really is), it isn't like Narnia or LOTR. Those books were written specifically to transport us to awesome new worlds. To take us on the grand tour of these amazing and magical places. (Have you ever wondered why LOTR is so dang long and descriptive? Well, now you know.)

The Hunger Games, on the other hand, is to remind us not to take for granted what we already do have, and to not lose track of our humanity as technology and society progress.


Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that map wasn't great. I'm just saying that humans really do tend to take way too much for granted. They don't pay attention to stuff, and one of these days, it's going to come around and stab us in the back. If we're not a little more conscientious about saying things like "Oh, the Hunger Games would be awesome" or "dude, I'd live in the Panem part" then sooner or later, that's what will actually happen.

The better part of societal digression doesn't happen all of the sudden. One bad leader can be a dreadful thing, but societies elect bad leaders, and fall into ruin when the people stop paying attention to what's important.

Ancient Rome, anyone?

So, yes, the movie is good. Yes the books are good. Yes, it's fun to play paintball or laser tag in a fake Hunger Games style. But would the real Hunger Games be fun? No. No it would not. Would living in Panem be fun? Not on your life.

So just keep an eye out for that kind of stuff. For me, if nothing else. Don't let my faith in humanity drain away too quickly.

Oh, and for anyone who cares, this appears to be the original fantasy worlds map, made before a lot of the current fads.

Not many people care about fantasia anymore. It's too bad about Oz being nixed. I admit, though, Camp Half-blood would be a wicked awesome place. And I could never live in a fantasy world without Hogwarts. So that revised map really had a lot going for it, but no, it should not have added Panem.











Well, that's my soapbox for tonight. (And as I type that, I remind myself to be everlastingly grateful that I live in a place where I'm even allowed to have soapboxes and free information and internet access. And Doctor Who gifs.)

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Find it! Do it now!

Guys. Guys. GUYS. GUYS!

David Tennant and Catherine Tate can both sing, AND are both in Much Ado About Nothing.

I KNOW!

I want need it. Now. Find it for me, please. It costs 9 pounds to download the play from the digital productions place. That's an awful lot for a digital file of a play recording. If you can find it anywhere else, PLEASE send it my way. Just do it. Or else.

Tom Cruise Proves My Point

Let's go over a couple of facts.

1) Okay, first of all, his real full name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. 

Irrelevant, but still. 

2) Tom Cruise is was hot.

Back in the day, he was pretty much the paragon of attractive celebrity. Now... not so much. I mean, not bad for age 50. His hairline hasn't even receded. But it just ain't what it used to be. 

Before:                      After:
  

3) Tom Cruise is really good at some things. Acting may not be one of them, but there are things.

We won't even talk about this. =>

4) Tom Cruise is moody and controlling. Immature. Spectacularly odd.

Or should we just ask Katie Holmes?

Therefore:

Despite being physically attractive, aging fairly well, and being good at many things, Tom Cruise is widely considered to be a Creepy McCreeperton. Weird. Strange. Odd. Take your pic. And the truth is that being hot does not count for very much when weighed against creepiness.

Now,  

1) Edward is supposed to be Mr. Hot Stuff incarnate. Bella is incessantly talking about how good he smells, how nice his chest muscles are, how startling his eyes are, and his overall general appeal. All of which could qualify him for the Chippendales, but what else? 

This time it's the girl saying "What else? What else is there?"

2) Edward is good at stuff, like baseball and the piano.

3) He, too, is moody and controlling. He, too, does not act his age. He, too, does some weird, very NOT socially acceptable things.

Over 100 years old, still has the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. Also watching a girl sleep is the most fascinating thing he can do with his time. Obviously 100 years isn't enough time to have seen anyone sleeping before. And he definitely didn't sleep when he was alive. Ever.

Conclusion:

Tom Cruise = Creepy despite good looks.
Creepy despite good looks = Not okay for healthy relationships
Edward = Tom Cruise
Therefore:
Edward = Not okay for healthy relationships

And this. We... we won't even talk about this.

Why I Never Want A Dog

When a stranger approaches

Cat's reaction: Slyly observe while pretending to be asleep or unconcerned

Dog's reaction: Bark

If the stranger turns out to be dangerous

Cat's reaction: Slash face with claws. Bite jugular. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Bark

When trapped some place it doesn't want to be

Cat's reaction: Move/climb things until an escape route is discovered or created

Dog's reaction: Bark

When left alone while owners are on vacation

Cat's reaction: Cool. I get the house to myself.

Dog's reaction: Whimper with loneliness. (A variation on 'bark')

When playing with owner's children in the woods

Cat's reaction: Scope the area from a sniper's POV. Keep a secure perimeter.

Dog's reaction: SMELLS! SQUIRRELS! SMELLS! BARK!

When children in the woods are threatened by a poisonous snake

Cat's reaction: Kill snake. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Jump between the snake and the children. Then bark.

When mice invade the house

Cat's reaction: Kill mice. Threat neutralized. Tasty snack acquired.

Dog's reaction: Bark.


Meaning when a cat sits on your lap: A sign of extreme affection, trust, and loyalty.

Meaning when a dog sits on your lap: Nothing. They do it 64 times a day.

When nature calls

Cat's reaction: Discretely relieve oneself. Bury evidence.

Dog's reaction: Go wherever the heck I feel like it. Preferably where someone will step in it.

When nature calls while inside

Cat's reaction: Go to the litter box

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When nature calls, and one is trapped indoors

Cat's reaction: Go to the litter box.

Dog's reaction: Go wherever the heck I feel like it. The middle of the floor looks nice.

When hungry

Cat's reaction: Sit on the food box and stare with soulful eyes. If owners are not present, acquire tasty snack.  Preferably mammalian (Mice or similar.)

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When bored

Cat's reaction: Find something to play with. Usually strings or insects. Problem resolved.

Dog's reaction: PLAYWITHMEI'MSOBOREDPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLAYWITHMENOW PLEASEPLEASEBARK!

Preferred toys

Cat: Catnip, string, milk lids, insects, laser pointers, ribbons, anything on a string.

Dog: Couch cushions, slippers, newspapers, favorite shoes, favorite shirt, favorite antique.

When happy

Cat's reaction: This is the life.

Dog's reaction: I'm so happy I could just BARK!

When excited

Cat's reaction: Cool.

Dog's reaction: Knock owners down with unbounded energy while barking like a maniac.

When a strange animal invades territory

Cat's reaction: Enemy sighted. Extermination plan initiated. Drop on back. Blind with left hook. Decapitate. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When lonely

Cat's reaction: What is this loneliness of which you speak?

Dog's reaction: Sad and mournful bark howl.

When getting a tummy rub

Cat's reaction: Purr

Dog's reaction: Affectionate bark

When left alone for several days while owners are on a business trip

Cat's reaction: Food supply, limited. Rationing initiated. Supplement by acquiring snacks. (Mammalian or avian, preferred. Reptilian or insect, acceptable.)

Dog's reaction: Look at all this food! Nomnomnomnom. *starves for three days*

When the mail comes

Cat's reaction: Oh, look. The mail. *sleeps*

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When a person is allergic to animals

Cat's reaction: And your point is...?

Dog's reaction: Rub, slobber, and jump all over the person in question. Then Bark.

When something surprises it

Cat's reaction: Freeze. Extend claws. Be prepared for anything. Analyze threat. Neutralize if necessary.

Dog's reaction: Bark.

Answer to the apple question

For those of you who were wondering what the debate was with that apple-to-zombie thing, here it is. (The image is at the bottom, in case you missed it before.)

Barbara insists that the humor is entirely from the play on the saying "one bad apple ruins the bunch."

I insisted that very few people would look that deeply into the whole thing, and that the humor came purely from the cuteness and amusingness of an apple turning into a zombie and chasing the other fruits away.

For the record, I was right. Everyone who answered on the debate said these things:

"it's funny because the apple turns into a zombie. and faces on any inanimate object just makes it better and cuter."  - Michelle


"I found the faces on fruit extremely charming and loved the apple zombie. What seemed to bother me more than anything was that apple and clementine happy as clams next to the dead apple... I doubt I could be as cheery next to a corpse."  - Ashlie


(Agreed on that ^, btw. I'd be a little weirded out too, if I was that clementine.)


"That made me smile and laugh out loud. I liked the progression of the zombie apple." -  Julie


"Definitely a zombie apple. It's so sad!" - Elizabeth


"That was funny! Poor little Apple left alone, dies, and becomes a zombie destroying the happiness and lives of other fruit."  -  Allison


"He's a zombie apple, although I had no idea fruit had brains so my only conclusion is that after eating his fellow fruits he got a taste for human brain or decided to enact his revenge for never being eaten by killing humans and eating their brains."  -  Alicia


"It's so funny because fruit is disgusting and gross, and no one would eat it unless they were forced to. So even though he chased them down and killed them for being jerks (and for being gross and disgusting fruit), he still ended up eating artificially-flavored fruity candy at the end."  -  David


The closest Barbara got to a point for her side was this one:


"I know that over ripe fruit put off an enzyme or chemical that causes other fruit to ripen and "die" faster than normal so it might appear that a fruit is dead but its really not, its really a zombie trying to kill all the other fruit."  - Sarah


Which honestly still doesn't count, because even though it's the same idea, it isn't about the play on the words. In fact, if I were going to choose a play on words at all, based on these answers, I'd definitely go for the "misery loves company" option. 


Anyway, the point is that I win. Within the scope of our poll, more people thought it was funny because it was an apple turning into a zombie when it died. And an apple turning into a zombie is funny. 

A Poll: Help me settle a debate

I need your answers, whether on the comments here, or on facebook. Either one.

Barbara and I have had a disagreement. (Yes, I know you're just shocked.) This time it's about this graphic. Which is cute and amusing. We both think so. But she thinks it's funny for a very specific reason, and I think that her reason is looking into it WAY more than most people would even notice. So here's the pic. Read. Enjoy. And then tell me exactly why you think it's cute and funny (or IF you do at all.)

After I get a few answers, I'll link in a second post, telling the results, and what she was expecting, vs. what I was.

** Update: The answers to the poll HERE.

Finding Your Inner Gryffindor, part 2

Pottermore + a discussion at work led me to the sequel for this post. I talked about getting sorted into Gryffindor, and how it forced me to learn things about myself that I didn't know. (Well, yeah, it does sound cheesy when you say it that way, but read the first post. It'll make more sense.)

Anyway, I got to thinking about why it is that courage is more important to me than so many other things (including the other house traits). A debate at work kind of put things in place for me. At least with one of the reasons. 

Intelligence: Of course I value it this. (I planned to be in Ravenclaw, didn't I?) I don't tolerate stupidity well. But acting stupid is quite different from being stupid. It's the acting stupid I hate. Anyway, there's a limit to intelligence. Only a small percentage of your intelligence potential is even up to you. The rest is in-born, and a result of how you were raised. 

Cleverness: I'd love to be clever. I greatly appreciate cleverness. But when it comes to something you can learn, cleverness also has it's limits.

Physical strength: Again, useful and admirable, but no matter how much you exercise, there will still be big people and little people. 

Getting the idea?

There's a long list of qualities that are great and important. It's harder to admire people who don't have them. But courage is different than the others in one very important way: It's 100%, absolutely, completely your own choice. 

At least half the people reading this won't believe me. 

There's a very good reason for that. It's almost the mantra of our generation. "That's just the way I am". "Love me for who I am". "I shouldn't have to change for anyone." 

Bleh-de-blah-de-blah. 

Don't think for a moment that I'm condoning cruelty, biases, or prejudice. Quite the opposite. But people aren't using these phrases for love. They're using them as excuses. Reasons to be lazy. No matter how loving and accepting we are, we still have a responsibility to try to become our best selves. To learn and grow and improve. 

Because of that, we've come to believe that being brave or strong is something that we're born with. "I just have no will power." "I'm just not very strong." As if it's a disease that we can catch, or a congenital chromosome disorder. 

It isn't. 

I mean, you all KNOW the cliche. Being brave isn't not being afraid. It's being scared to death and marching on anyway. 

No matter who you are, where you live, what your job is, how many fears you have, or how dire your circumstances, you always have your ability to make choices. And being courageous through it all is a choice. 100% something that you decide to do. 

Or, as Sirius tells Harry (at least in the movie version) "the world isn't split into good people and deatheaters. We've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."

Weak people aren't weak because they were born that way, or were raised in a bad situation, or caught a disease of some sort. Weak people are weak because that's the part of themselves that they choose to act on. 

I don't have sympathy for slime like wormtail because his betrayal was a decision.


He was sorted into Gryffindor. He was like Neville: awkward and a bit of a misfit, but with the potential to become the bravest of them all. It was there. But he made a choice. He acted on his dark side in order to save his own skin, even though it meant leaving two people to die. Two people who treated him like a good friend, even when no one else would. Two people who trusted him with their lives. Literally. 


Nobody who would sell their friends to the chopping block just because the bad guy was scary ever deserves my sympathy.


Perfect counter-example: George Mcfly. At the beginning of the movie he followed the wussy path. "I'm afraid that I'm just no good at confrontations." 







But one confrontation







Proved that he wasn't "destined" to be a wussy-pants. He took control.












And changed everything. It was in him all along. But like Sirius said, it's the part we choose to act on that defines who we are.


It's in all of us too. Sometimes life is scary. Everyone has things that they're afraid of. But if we weren't afraid, we wouldn't have to be brave.


Courage isn't a virtue because it saves people from looking a fool, or because it makes some of us into heroes. Courage is a virtue precisely because it's necessary for everyone, it's possible for everyone, and it's hard for EVERYONE.  


That's pretty much it for now. If I discover any other reasons why it's so important to me, I'll write another sequel.