Monday, October 21, 2019

The Silence of Our Friends

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”


This past two months has been an absolute roller coaster for me. I started a new job, after ten years in the same place. I nearly lost several friends and an entire game group because of a stark disagreement on where the line is between reasonable doubt and overt prejudice. I flew internationally for the very first time. I rank tested in Japan before several important teachers and the president of our school. I experienced a heartbreak that left me feeling utterly numb. I stayed up working until 6 or 7 in the morning on more than one occasion. 

The ups and downs have got me over here feeling like Icarus, flying high for the briefest of moments before losing control of everything. 

I got to listen to two middle-aged, white, male authors tell me about how Brandon Sanderson is doing better in his book sales than Mary Robinette Kowal because he chose to be extremely unpolitical, and she should have too, but now she’s sleeping in the bed she made. And that if I was smart, I’d do the same thing as Brandon, the white, male, married, straight, American man.

(Congratulations, boys. You’re in a position where you can ride the status quo, without anything adversely affecting you. Go you. Meanwhile I’m still over here watching people like me literally getting murdered with next to no comeuppance for the attackers.)

I had an old friend message me that all of my stances were too negative, and that things would work out for me if I just chose to smile.

(Well-intentioned. I know she was. But hoo boy. That’s a lot to unpack.)

This week I had not one but two grown, adult, should-know-better human men tell me in undisguised words that my life experience is all a lie. That I’m making it all up in a desperate bid for attention. That I have been brainwashed by SJWs to believe I’m a victim, because racism, sexism, and homophobia are just political tricks to gain control over people.

(Fun times.)

I had someone with whom I grew up, and have known for nearly all of my life, tell me literally and not implicitly that disagreeing with his extremely biased article was hate, while his friends tore me apart for what I am and not what I said.

(I can’t help but think of the phrase ‘the blind leading the blind’.)

He told me, with a tone of sincere-but-severely-misguided pain that my choices brought me to where I am, and HEAVILY implied that being gay is somehow a mistake that I chose along the way, and that he hopes I’ll turn away from. If it hadn’t been in written form, I’m sure there’d have been misty eyes and a tremor in the voice.

(Oh hey. Hi there. By the way, if you have reached this, the tenth month of the year 2019 still under the impression that I’m straight, then you REALLY have not been paying attention.)

I’m still unpacking the layers of shame he was implying. The same guy who just preached about how it’s our choices that matter just also told me that being non-straight is horrific, regardless of how I’m acting about it.

Two weeks ago, I got to listen to a speech from the leaders of my church that basically said, “Look, we have a responsibility to love everyone. And that includes LGBT+ people. But also, if you are LGBT+, basically sucks to be you. I really got nothing, here.” And I got to see all the people around me gush about how loving and inclusive it was, all the while even the leaders of my entire religion have no actual hope or encouragement to give me.

A few days ago I got to see the better part of the whole state oppose a ban on conversion therapy, and back up that opposition by talking about how the bill wasn’t written well enough. 

(So yes. It’s very comforting to know that people all over the place literally care more about legal minutiae than about protecting vulnerable people from horrific things. Such cozy. Many love.)

And that’s where the quote at the beginning comes in. (The internet says it’s Martin Luther King Jr. but I’m not 100% sure.)

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

When things don’t affect you personally, it’s easy to stand aside. Let some other author use their fame and literal millions of dollars to improve the world. Why bother to change anything, when you’re doing perfectly fine?

When things don’t affect you personally, it’s easy to tell someone to keep their chin up and things will work out.

When things don’t affect you personally, it’s easy to tell someone they’re overreacting. That nothing is really THAT bad. That the 1% slight you feel when something doesn’t go your way is EVERY BIT as hard as the long-standing societized inequality someone else lives every day.

When things don’t affect you personally, it’s easy to call anger hate. It’s easy to call standing up for oneself aggression. It’s easy to claim that change is bad. That having different political priorities is ignorance and stupidity. That someone you don’t agree with is lying, brainwashing scum. 

When things don’t affect you personally, you can do and say whatever you want about it without any kind of consequence. 

Congratulations. You have privilege. 

(No, listen. You literally do.)

But, in the immortal words of every Spider-Man version ever made, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

So are you going to sit around being comfortable, because you can? Or will you do something with your abilities?

How deafening will the sound of your silence be?

Friday, August 9, 2019

Sexism is So Much More Than Just Choosing a Man Over a Woman

Tomorrow is my last day at a job I’ve been with for almost ten years. I naturally have a lot of very complicated and mixed feelings about this.

  • Rage at admin for passing me over on promotions several times.
  • Nostalgia for a lot of good times had there. 
  • A bit of fear at moving on after such a length of time.
  • Excitement at the possibility of stabilizing my financial situation a bit.
  • Adventurous about trying something new and getting to do new things.
  • Sadness at leaving behind many people I love and will miss.
  • Comfort in knowing I will certainly see them all plenty of times in the future.
  • Confusion about what I did wrong or didn’t do or didn’t have that caused my employers (and others) to more than once eliminate me in the first round when many who were objectively less qualified than me or who were equally qualified got to move forward through the processes. 

And that last one is what I want to really chat about today. The main reason: because I cannot for the life of me figure it out short of accusing them of some prejudice that I wish I didn’t have to. 

What kinds of things are you supposed to do to make a good impression on an interviewer?


—Dress nicely? Check. (I was snazzy af, y’all.) 
—Have good answers to questions? Check.
—Have a qualified and well-put-together resume? Check.
—Be actually qualified for the job? Check.
—Be charming and well-spoken? Check. Well, to the extent that I am able. I’ve never considered myself the most charming person ever, but I answered questions well, made eye contact, smiled, laughed, and didn’t do anything weird.
—Be noticeably good at the job? Check. My supervisor consistently gave me the highest possible marks on yearly evaluations. 

Of course I know and understand that being a good candidate for a job doesn’t mean I’ll get it or that someone else isn’t going to be better. I’m an adult and I can accept that. 

What I can’t accept is the result of my post-rejection comparison. 

**Note: I had most of that comparison listed out here, but it was long and boring and not really the point. Plus I don’t blame the people that got the jobs instead of me. They were just trying to get a job and had nothing to do with the hiring process.

The summarized version, however, is that the first time it looked an awful lot like he got the job instead of me because he had five things that I didn’t, four of which are illegal to discriminate on, and later situations seemed to confirm this.

—He’s extremely charming.
—He’s straight.
—He’s married.
—He has small children.
—He’s a dude. 


My having twice as much experience didn’t seem to matter. My having the same education level didn’t seem to matter. My having a desire to stay long-term while he was already planning to leave for law school as soon as he could get into one didn’t seem to matter.


All else being pretty much the same, it seemed extremely suspect that between two people who were equal in most things, the one with the slight edge in experience and longevity was cut in the first round while the other one made it through several.

But whatever it looked like, I had no real evidence, and I didn’t want to seem like I was accusing people of things without actually knowing. I sucked it up, started looking for new jobs (having realized that I was not appreciated), and eventually ended up staying three more years on a pay of peanuts and wishes because that’s how much I loved the people and the environment. 

I just wasn’t as ready to leave as I thought I was, after that rejection. 

But now that guy is going off to law school, (which, like I said, we all knew he was going to do as soon as he passed the LSAT and got accepted somewhere). And so the job opened again. And, like an idiot, I applied again, thinking I had a chance.

I mean, I had ten years of experience, the proven track record of being a good worker, even more education and job skills than before, better social skills than I’ve ever had, and—once again—a sincere desire to make this place a long-term home.

For the second time, (for this specific position, anyway) I didn’t even make it past the first round of interviews, despite being overwhelmingly qualified. And for the second time I got stuck here wondering what I could possibly have done different or better. What was it, despite everything I was SO QUALIFIED FOR, that I didn't have? What more could they possibly have asked for in a candidate?

A few days later I found out.


In a relatively casual chat with someone a little higher up than me, I mentioned the way it felt last time, with this dude getting chosen over me despite the fact that I was extensively qualified.

The higher-up’s response was sincerely intended to make me feel better by pointing out that it was “definitely not sexist prejudice. He likes to hire women!” It was that the director was looking for a very specific aesthetic: The polyester-suited business woman. The decades-out-of-date image of what it meant to be “professional” as a woman.


Something which the other guy also had in spades. That traditional look. The normal, slightly oversized suit. The majority population appearance. The gravitas of someone who is confident in their place in the world.

I am very sad that this even has to be said, but sexism isn’t just choosing men over women. It is holding women to a different standard than men. It is choosing one woman over another because she suits your idea of the proper beauty standard. It is passing over qualified candidates for a job because she isn’t traditionally feminine or doesn’t have the same fashion sense as you.

It’s ALL sexism. 

And guess who isn’t traditionally feminine in any conceivable way (except maybe my bust size)?

C'est Moi.

Now, I looked GOOD that day. I wore my snazziest vest, and was tempted to bring my hat, although I resisted that particular urge. No one looking at me with objective eyes would say that I was sloppy, lazy, or underdressed. I was on fire. (And I really don’t feel that way most of the time.)





Where’s the Line?


I don’t want to sound like I should never be required to change at all, because that’s also ridiculous. We all have to learn, grow, and get better. Never changing is just as bad being wishy washy.

But where is the line? Where do we draw the distinction between “be who you are” and “make sure you fit the arbitrary standards of the middle-aged white men in charge or you’ll never get hired and it’ll be your own fault”?

I don’t have a hard and fast answer for you. You gotta do a little of both in this world, in order to be your real best self. 

But what I do know is that I did my best for a job (probably several other jobs as well), dressed well, prepared, came to the table with a lot to offer, and got rejected because I looked either too gay or too masculine. Maybe both.

I got rejected because I don’t look or feel right in a polyester business suit.

I got rejected because I have buzzed sides in my hair. 

I got rejected because I don’t fit the rich white dudes’ idea of what a working woman should look like. They don’t want me to be the face of their business. They’ll pay me part time and hide me in the back, but they don’t want me to be seen. 

And I know for sure that that IS crossing the line. 

Just because they didn’t hire the lone dude of the applicant group this time doesn’t mean it wasn’t sexism that made their choices.

Now we come full circle. I got another job as quickly as I could (which was surprisingly fast, considering my track record with people not wanting to hire me) and peaced out of that place. 

Tomorrow is my last day at a business that is ashamed of the face I present to the world, and I start on a new journey. Hopefully it’ll lead me to better things. And maybe—just maybe—I’ll stop thinking of myself as un-hireable and start recognizing my own positive qualities despite not being traditional. 

Maybe I’ll get even closer to becoming my best self. 




Further Note: in deference to some concerns from the family, I would like to clarify that it was never my intention to imply that said person did nothing whatsoever to work hard or deserve employment. 

Only that he was afforded chances and opportunities that were not granted to me, despite my also having worked as hard and done it for years longer. 


I attribute those chances and privileges to his being a straight, white, married, male person.

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

What is Pride: A Voice For the Silenced

Today I had a discussion with someone about respect and equal rights, etc. The question inevitably got asked about what the point of pride really is, and why it’s valuable. To this person I say: I really appreciate you asking and trying to learn. That helps a lot. So thanks.

In Answer


Here’s the thing: sometimes when a group who has power and privilege sees someone else also get power, it doesn’t feel like equality so much as a threat. When the status quo is that you are stronger and they are weaker, being the same strength often feels like you’ve lost something.

Balance of power just works like that, sadly. 

It happens when a black person celebrates being black. Some white people get all “Why do you have to push race in our faces all the time?” Or “why do you get a black entertainment channel? Isn’t that racist?”

It happens when women advocate for bodily autonomy or equal pay. Men (some) get all “you just want special treatment for doing less work” or “why do you have to go and pull the gender card”.

None of those reactions are logical, but they feel that way to the folks who have a changing power dynamic and who have never had to worry about declaring who they are. 

White people don't need to celebrate being white because they’ve never had to be scared due to their skin color. They’ve never had to worry that a cop will just shoot them unreasonably. They’ve never had laws that label them as literally less than a whole human. 

We don’t need a white entertainment channel because all of the channels are already places where white people have plenty of air time and voice.

That’s what privilege means. That no matter what hardships you’ve ever had to face and how many difficulties you’ve existed with in your life, at least your skin color wasn’t one of them. It didn’t add to it in any way.

Same with feminism. Many men are good. But many others are used to a power imbalance. They’ve never had to advocate for equal pay or draw attention to their gender because they already have all the rights and the attention. 

Hearing someone say aloud that their gender is affecting their workplace feels weird to a lot of men because they have never had that happen and can’t really compute it. I have talked personally with men who sincerely don’t understand why women are uncomfortable with men nearby in dark or isolated situations. 

Feminism (the real kind, not extremism) has never been about crushing men or being better than them or taking away their rights. It’s about just getting the same treatment. 

But that power change feels super weird. Resultantly, men resist it, and then women have to be loud about it in order to be heard. Men are used to talking over us. To silencing us. To having more power and control in any given situation than we do. 

And when we’re loud about something that men have never had to be loud about, a lot of men take it as “shoving it in their faces” or “trying to take what is rightfully a man’s”. Especially if they’re used to women being silenced. Any noise at all is different, when silence is the status quo.

It’s all about that shifting power. 

The Same Thing is True With the LGBT+ Community 


Straight/cis people don’t have to announce their sexuality or have talks with people about it because they are already the default. You are assumed straight/cis until proven otherwise. 

It has never been considered shameful or illegal to be straight. It has never been life-threatening to be straight. No one has ever been beaten in the street or shot up in a pub because of being not gay. 

If you’re straight, you’ve never had to figure out a way to tell your parents that you enjoy hereto relationships. And if you did, they wouldn’t disown you about it, or send you to a camp to fix what is “broken”. They might not even think twice or remember you said anything. 

You don’t have to make it a point to announce your straightness because the world is already geared for you. You already have all the rights and privileges and power that comes with it. 

Whatever else is hard in your life, at least that’s not one of the things making it harder.

But queer folks have had all of those things done to them over the years. There were times in the not-at-all distant past where you could be arrested or possibly even killed just for being gay (or trans or gender fluid, or whichever thing), let alone participating in any kind of related activity. Up until 2003, sodomy laws were still on the books in 14 states. I was already 18 years old by then. 

And despite legal protections that are slowly but surely beginning to be enacted, it’s still not entirely safe. Clubs are still being shot up. People are still being beaten in the streets. There are still court cases that have gone all the way up to the Supreme Court about people being fired just for being gay, and not for anything they said or did. And those plaintiffs aren’t sure the Supreme Court will help them, either. 

In this, the year 2019, a time when we have the technology to put robots on mars and take up close and personal pictures of Pluto and Charon, we still have people dying because they aren’t straight. 

Pride is Giving a Voice to the Voiceless


Feminism is giving a voice to women who have spent most of human history labeled as second class citizens. 

Black Lives Matter, calls for POC voices, and many other movements are about giving a voice to cultures and groups who have spent a lot of human history labeled as savages or monkeys or ⅗ of a human. 

And Pride is about giving a voice to people who have spent most of human history being beaten, tortured, or killed because of something, much like race, over which they had no control. 

Announcing sexuality isn’t about trying to be better than someone else. It’s about saying “I don’t have to hide who I am, anymore.”

Having a celebratory parade isn’t trying to say “neener neener, you don’t get one” to straight people. It’s trying to say “We have momentum. We have a voice. And we still have a long way to go. Please listen.”

Pride isn’t “we want to hurt and degrade all straight people. Pride is “We are here. We exist. And we need you to see us.”

Pride is a symbol to all the little queer sweeties around the world that they are not alone. That they do not have to be ashamed or think of themselves as broken. That there are people on their side who are trying to make the world safer for them. 

Pride is a sign of hope that things will get better.

Once again: any noise at all sounds loud when silence is the status quo.


Whether you mean to or not, telling people who have finally found their voice that they’re being too loud is only reinforcing the old power dynamic. The one that killed LGBT+ people, or kept them hidden and silent. It is saying, in essence, “you don’t have the right to state who you are.”

Straight people saying “I don’t have to announce my sexuality, so neither should you” have never had to hide it in the first place. Nearly every movie, book, graphic novel, comic strip, or song has heterosexual romance in it, to some degree or another. It HAS been announced, and it is loud. 

As with feminism and anti-racism, sometimes folks have to get equally loud to get heard at all. Pride is an attempt to get a seat at the table. And if it takes rainbows and glitter to do it, so let it be written. So let it be done. 

Conclusion


So I hope that answered the question in long form. Here’s the short version: Pride isn't here to act better than someone else or get special treatment or rub anything in anyone’s face. It’s here to provide a community and a symbol for a lot of people who need a voice, some safety, and a little bit of hope.

Taking that away by “reclaiming the rainbow” or telling us we’re not allowed to use certain symbols, or by simply refusing to see your own privilege, is tantamount to telling us that we aren’t worthy of a voice and to go back into hiding.

And that sums up what Pride is:

It’s Saying “I am worthy of my voice. I don’t want to hide anymore.”

Monday, July 8, 2019

We Need Girl Ghostbusters

So this afternoon I was talking to a friend about the different ghostbusters movies, and what the various pros and cons of them are. This reminded me of a situation I experienced when the movie first came out, and I have some OPINIONS about that, so strap in for a ride.

https://youtu.be/XG2sj_zmb-w


Here’s the context you’ll need. My friend and I wanted to watch a movie, and we had a few to pick from that she’d never seen before. One of the options was Ghostbusters, and that’s what we were leaning toward.

Her husband came in a minute later and asked which one we chose. On hearing that it was Ghostbusters, his actual reaction was, “Oh. Should I go to the other room?”

Both of us stared at him kind of dumbfounded. “Um. Why?” I asked, even as my friend said, “she came over to watch movies with us. Why would you leave while she’s still here?”

His reply was, “But isn’t that one a chick movie?”


The room was full of heavy implications that not only would it threaten his masculinity to watch a movie starring all women, but that having women cast in main roles literally changed the genre. As a bonus, he had absolutely no idea why I was shooting lasers through his head with my eyes, and why his wife got upset at him and demanded that he stay.

To be fair to him, he didn’t mean anything by it. He wasn’t consciously trying to denigrate women or promote toxic culture. He was just regurgitating cultural views that had been hammered into him for his whole life. (And so have we all, if we’re being honest.) Nevertheless, he still did it.

All of us have been socialized with stuff like that. The real difference between him and us in this context? He’s a white man. Nothing about having those views has ever harmed him. He’s never NOT seen himself in a movie before. He’s never had to get past the idea that good movie-making doesn’t revolve around seeing himself represented in something.

And so he ended up with this strange idea that he wasn’t welcome/allowed to watch something made about another demographic than his own.

The All-Girl Ghostbusters is Culturally Significant


We didn’t have a conversation about that at the time, but I really wish we had. (Although I am better prepared with vocabulary and long thought now than I would have been then.)

So let’s have that conversation now, even if it is a few years late.

You see, even though the new ghostbusters movie is a campy comedy, which purposely tells goofy jokes and has a bunch of nerds as main characters who do and say socially awkward things, IT MATTERS.

It really, truly does. And here’s my take on why.

Trope Subversion| Hey. I am a sucker for some good trope subversion anyway, so doing it well is always gonna be my cup of tea. Now, yes. Just as the original did, Ghostbusters relies heavily on using tropes to make a joke or point. And it does it well.

But when it subverts a trope, it doesn’t just do it for kicks and giggles. Many of the twists are very purposeful. The girls having to rescue the dude (which we will talk about in a sec). Making the mathy, sciency, tech character not be a dude. Even having the big bad at the end take a bunch of shapes that weren’t the expected scary things. (Which the original also did with the marshmallow guy.)

Over everything else, though, is the fact that there isn’t a token girl. How many times do we get a show or a game where the main team is a whole cast of dudes, all with different quirks and traits, and then there’s the one girl. Often whose quirk/trait is that she’s the girl?

  • Smurfette
  • Miss Piggy (Earlier on, anyway, Pre-Janice. But even then, Janice is pretty minor.)
  • Princess Leia
  • Penny in The Big Bang Theory (at least in seasons 1–3)
  • Elaine Benes in Seinfeld
  • Kanga in Winnie-the-Pooh
  • April in The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
  • Gamora in Guardians of the Galaxy
  • Black Widow in early Marvel (pre-Valkyrie and Captain Marvel)
  • Eleven in Stranger Things
  • Wonder Woman in many Justice League iterations
  • Hermione Granger
  • Dot from Animaniacs
  • Gadget from Rescue Rangers
  • Eowyn (sorta. She’s awesome, but not really even an MC. Still the only LOTR girl who does anything at all.)
  • Wendy the Koopaling from the Mario franchise
  • Buttercup in Princess Bride
  • Laura Dern’s character in Jurassic Park
  • Bryce Dallas Howard in Jurassic World
  • Karen Gillan’s character in the newer Jumanji. (I don’t think it counts that Jack Black was playing a teenage girl. He’s still Jack Black.)
  • Uhura in Star Trek (old AND new. The recent ones have not been better.)


This list is nowhere near exhaustive, and it’s already unreasonably long. This phenomenon is called the Smurfette Principle, and as you can see by this list, it is not limited to days long past.

(Watch these links)




Don’t get me wrong, it is getting better. I mean, this last Star Wars movie had Carrie Fisher, Laura Dern, AND Daisy Ridley all in the same movie. (Albeit never all in the same room, sadly.)

We’ve gotten gems like Murder on the Orient Express that gathered a large number of amazing actresses all in the same train. MIchelle Pfeiffer, Judi Dench, Daisy Ridley, Penelope Cruz, and Olivia Colman. (Cast still had twice as many men, but like, this is good!)

But the fact remains that in this, the year two thousand nineteen, the age of smartphones and robots on mars, we are still getting movies that act like the human population is 85% male.

It’s so ingrained in our collective psyche that I once started writing a book that was a bit of a heist story, and was putting together my characters for the crew. I ended up with three men and three women. Then my traitorous brain thought—just for a half second though!—is this too many women? Should I change one of them?

A mere moment later, I realized what I had done, and how silly it was. The numbers were even. But we are taught to see more men than women as equal balance. (There are scientific studies about this which are very fascinating.)

And if this can happen to me, someone who is aggressively active in trying to subvert toxic behaviors in media, it can easily happen to anyone. It will still happen to anyone, until we make active, conscious changes to the media we produce.

Movies like Ghostbusters and Ocean’s 8 do that. They are massively important because they provide hard evidence that a movie can be well-crafted and also star women. That female movies are not outliers or niche only. That a sci-fi story can just have girls in it and still be a sci-fi movie.

They show women being successful at doing the exact same thing men have done in a similar movie, and pulling it off with flying colors. They show that there is a market for that sort of thing. They show that movies with women in them are not just for women.

These movies are important for people like my little nieces, who are lucky enough to be growing up in an age where they have cool action women to look up to in media. Where they are shown that they can be anything they want to be, and not just the idiot secretary or the sexy decoration or the action hero that’s only actiony because her personality is just a man with boobs.

(Look. I love Xena. I really do. But man with boobs.)

If I’d had movies like this as a kid, so much of my life would have been different. (And easier, honestly). This is a topic for an entire other post, but my single greatest regret in life is that I didn’t have Sofia the First as a kid teaching me that girliness wasn’t shameful. Or having Holtzmann teaching me that girls could do science if they wanted to. I could have been spared a lot of growing pains and figured stuff out about myself so much sooner.

I want my nieces to have what I didn’t. And that’s why this movie matters.

Genderbending| The thing about this one is that most of the men who hate it think that it’s just a gimmick. In fact, a lot of women even think it’s a gimmick as well.

The problem with that? It reinforces the idea that if a man is in a thing, it can be serious or funny, but if a woman is in it, it can only be a joke or a marketing ploy. And that, in turn, socializes u s further into the “maleness is cool and girliness is embarrassing or lesser” hole.

Ghostbusters deals with this amazingly on a number of levels. The most obvious example being the intentional use of Chris Hemsworth’s character as a secretary who doesn’t pass the sexy lamp test and must eventually be rescued.

It’s simultaneously funny and poignant. Because let’s be honest, how many times has a movie done the exact same thing to a female secretary and no one noticed? There are even female main characters who don’t pass that test.

And as funny as the sexy lamp test is, it’s also not completely a joke.

Flipping the switch on the stereotype of the stupid secretary hangs a lantern on it. We’re not used to seeing a dude who is that incompetent being surrounded by brilliant women. It makes some (mostly men) uncomfortable, as a result. And that, in turn, reminds us, however subtly, that it IS a stereotype and not just the way women are.

If seeing a thing happen to a man makes you uncomfortable, why is it okay happening to a woman?


On that note is the discussion about why four dudes in the 80s can run around being super dorky/awkward, womanizing, and making dick jokes, and can come across as likable heroes all the same, while four women who run around being super dorky/awkward, inventing cool gadgets, and making jokes that don’t rely on genitalia to get a laugh are somehow considered annoying and unlikeable.

That’s a sincere complaint I have heard multiple times about the girl ghostbusters and never once about the boy ghostbusters. Yet (and this is partially subjective, of course) the boy ghostbusters are honestly either the same or worse, in terms of doing annoying crap.

Bill Murray’s character is trash. He spends the whole movie treating women like prizes to win or objects to own, but still gets the girl at the end after literally having changed nothing about himself to make her like him, when she didn’t in the beginning. He makes dick jokes all over the place and kinda just acts like nothing anyone says or does is as important as himself.

But this isn’t annoying? Because I find it highly offputting. What I don’t find offputting? A scientist being a little socially awkward, but trying her best.

Why does our society expect women to be pristine paragons before they are acceptable, but men can be literal garbage, but are considered awesome for doing one cool thing? (Yes, I’m looking at you, Snape.)

A great example of this is Katara, from Avatar: The Last Airbender. A surprisingly high number of people I’ve talked to think she’s the most boring character in the whole show. Which seems odd to me, since she becomes one of the strongest waterbenders in the world, takes out Azula when Zuko couldn’t, has a very strong moral compass, is amazing at taking care of everyone in the group (who would certainly not get by without her), has fantastic courage, and on top of all that is gorgeous.

Why? Well, “womanly” work is largely invisible. Taking care of people, making sure supplies and money are doing okay, keeping track of a thousand little things… it’s the stuff that every mom does, and no one ever notices. The only part of that she doesn’t cover is the scheduling, which Sokka is meticulous about, and he gets very direct, active, on-screen credit for doing so.

Katara is the closest thing that show has to a perfect woman, but because she comes across as slightly buzzkill-ish about it, suddenly none of it matters, and she’s “Super annoying”.

Ghostbusters has not been immune to this problem. If we look at the script and casting objectively, none of the women do anything that would be considered problematic if their male counterparts had done so. In fact, the only thing I can even think of that a man would not have done is probably the part where they shot the ghost in the groin instead of center mass.

And for those of you in our studio audience who feel like that was “too feminist” of a thing to do, and was super uncalled for, let me ask this: why?

(This is a legit complaint I heard. Actually, from the same guy above, who didn’t want to watch it in the first place.)

  1. Literally any woman being attacked by someone or something that presented as male would have that thought go through her head. I guarantee it. Having external genitalia is a very distinct weakness, and any person who has spent her whole life being afraid to walk outside after dark because men with this specific weakness will prey on her is GONNA be thinking about how to exploit that. It’s literally the first thing we all would naturally do.
  2. Men have exploited the weaknesses of women in movies for decades. Cry me a river.
  3. Men laugh at crotch shots in YouTube videos. But as soon as a group of women come together to powerfully make it a viable weakness, they’re offended? Ask what they’re really offended about, then. Because it isn’t the fact that a crotch shot was used for humor. Once again, cry me a river.

The point being that this movie hung a lot of lights on a lot of problematic behaviors simply by showing those things happening to men instead of women. And many men were horrified at what they saw.

If this applies to you, think about why that is.

Feminism| Another complaint I’ve heard about this movie from many different people is that it’s “too feminist.” Let’s break that down for a sec.

FIrstly, yes, there are some radical feminists who give everyone else a bad name. They go too far. But feminism is not the culprit. Extremism is.

With that in mind, what does being against feminism actually mean?

  • Not wanting equal representation in movies, congress, business, or panels.
  • Not wanting equal pay or job opportunities.
  • Not wanting equal ability to vote or participate in the community.
  • Not wanting equal rights to control personal property or bodily autonomy.
  • Not wanting to be believed when something happens.
  • Not wanting to destroy rape culture.
  • Not wanting to make the world safer for women.
  • Not wanting access to equal education and healthcare.

None of those are bad things to want. And that’s literally what feminism is: wanting those things.

What is feminism not?

  • It isn’t wanting to kill all men.
  • It isn’t wanting to become manly or destroy femininity.
  • It isn’t wanting to control men.
  • It isn’t wanting to oppress men in the same way that women have long been.
  • It isn’t wanting to destroy families.
  • It isn’t wanting to get special treatment for unfair reasons.

Literally, all that rational feminism is is “Please don’t treat us as second class,”

So yeah, if Ghostbusters is too feminist for you… we might have a problem.

Given all that, is there such a thing as “too feminist”?


I would say no. There cannot be such a thing as “it promotes equality too much”. Literally, that’s impossible to do. (And going back to the extreme “feminists”, they are not promoting equality.)

Why am I a feminist? Well, there are a thousand or more reasons, but here’s just one that matters very much to me personally.

I have medical conditions that require regulatory medications. I haven’t taken those medications in several years because literally the only way to get them is to have a doctor re-prescribe them every few months. And I cannot afford that. And yet

AND YET

Male birth control options (which have literally zero effect on health and are entirely based on a dude’s sex life) are over the counter at just about any store you could walk into. It’s hard to NOT find options for guys.

My health is affected by people who are worried that women can’t make responsible enough choices about their bodies. I have no autonomy in what I do with my medications, because that same medication might be used by someone somewhere to *GASP* make her own choices about having children. THE HORROR.

Yeah. The state of healthcare in 2019 America is that a bunch of old white men in congress still have more control over my personal health than I do.

That’s a little bit of a tangent, but it gets the point across that feminism is not a bad word. It’s not something that “ruins movies”. It’s not something that is going to harm our society by having it.

A movie literally cannot be “too feminist” for you unless you actively don’t agree that women should have rights, autonomy, and political franchise.

Secondly, which parts of this movie are aggressively feminist aside from casting women in it?


I sincerely don’t know the answer to this. Even if we include extremism-infected forms of feminism, there isn’t anything there. They never promote hating men. They never rape a man or take advantage of him. They never make light of that having happened to a man. They never rudely discount the opinion or witness of anyone based on their being a man. (In fact, the opposite happens. They are discounted by a man who doesn’t believe what they say.)

And if we don’t include not-really-feminist aggressive feminism, there’s still nothing there outside of simply showing women doing a job that men once did in an older movie. And if that’s the thing that rubs you the wrong way, well, once again, that’s definitely a problem, and it’s not on our end.

In fact, I think it’s rather obvious, on close inspection, that the movie makers were very careful about that. They made absolutely sure that, even though this movie is a campy comedy, they took the portrayals in it very seriously. They did nothing that can reasonably considered problematic.

Therefore I posit once again that a feeling of “too feminist” stems entirely from “not being used to seeing women do the things men used to do.” Casting women as main characters is the only “too feminist” flaw this movie can be said to have, and that just doesn’t hold up under any kind of scrutiny.

Well, I’m sorry this was so long. But I had a lot of things I really needed to say.

If you stuck with it all the way to the end, here, then thank you. I’m proud of your reading endurance. Let me know what you think of the points posited.

In conclusion: The boy ghostbusters was important. I’m not going to say that it didn’t do things for movie making that changed everything, because it definitely did. But socioculturally, it didn’t age well. But as the ghostbusters franchise has always been about pushing limits and breaking barriers, I think that the girl ghostbusters held up its end admirably.

We need more movies like this, where being a woman isn’t just a joke. Where we can be heroes despite our flaws. Where we can be scientists and warriors, and awkward nerds all at the same time. Where our stories don’t rely on a man to save us or make us whole. Where we get the respect of good scripting, acting, and moviemaking. We need more role models for my sassy little nieces to grow up watching.

We need more like Ghostbusters.                                      

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