Thursday, August 30, 2012

What is wrong with this picture?

Okay, first of all, this:

But no, that's not the picture I was referring to. Here we see a map:

I saw this a while back with a caption that was something like "this is how the world should be."

Cool, right? If only, if only, etc.

No. Not cool, and not okay. This is one of the things that is wrong with the world these days.

(This is the part where you shout with outrage "And you call yourself a nerd!!!??")

Trust me, I'd go live at hogwarts in 1/256th of a second, if I could. Terabithia would be spectacular. And Narnia... dude. Not even a question.  But let us examine the lower right hand corner. There we find Panem, location of the Hunger Games series.

Do I love the Hunger Games?
Yes. Yes I do. 

Movie AND book?
Oh, yeah. 

Would I ever want to live in Panem?
Are you out of your freaking mind? 

Think about it. Would you want to live in a place where a only a very minuscule percentage of the population had enough food to eat, and didn't have cops breathing down their necks?

Where you or your kid could be randomly selected to go slaughter other young kids in a televised blood bath, and most likely get killed in the process?

Where basic needs like soap and grain are so highly regulated that getting access to enough of them is literally to put your life on the line?

Guys, as great a story as the Hunger Games is (and it really is), it isn't like Narnia or LOTR. Those books were written specifically to transport us to awesome new worlds. To take us on the grand tour of these amazing and magical places. (Have you ever wondered why LOTR is so dang long and descriptive? Well, now you know.)

The Hunger Games, on the other hand, is to remind us not to take for granted what we already do have, and to not lose track of our humanity as technology and society progress.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that map wasn't great. I'm just saying that humans really do tend to take way too much for granted. They don't pay attention to stuff, and one of these days, it's going to come around and stab us in the back. If we're not a little more conscientious about saying things like "Oh, the Hunger Games would be awesome" or "dude, I'd live in the Panem part" then sooner or later, that's what will actually happen.

The better part of societal digression doesn't happen all of the sudden. One bad leader can be a dreadful thing, but societies elect bad leaders, and fall into ruin when the people stop paying attention to what's important.

Ancient Rome, anyone?

So, yes, the movie is good. Yes the books are good. Yes, it's fun to play paintball or laser tag in a fake Hunger Games style. But would the real Hunger Games be fun? No. No it would not. Would living in Panem be fun? Not on your life.

So just keep an eye out for that kind of stuff. For me, if nothing else. Don't let my faith in humanity drain away too quickly.

Oh, and for anyone who cares, this appears to be the original fantasy worlds map, made before a lot of the current fads.

Not many people care about fantasia anymore. It's too bad about Oz being nixed. I admit, though, Camp Half-blood would be a wicked awesome place. And I could never live in a fantasy world without Hogwarts. So that revised map really had a lot going for it, but no, it should not have added Panem.

Well, that's my soapbox for tonight. (And as I type that, I remind myself to be everlastingly grateful that I live in a place where I'm even allowed to have soapboxes and free information and internet access. And Doctor Who gifs.)

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Find it! Do it now!

Guys. Guys. GUYS. GUYS!

David Tennant and Catherine Tate can both sing, AND are both in Much Ado About Nothing.


I want need it. Now. Find it for me, please. It costs 9 pounds to download the play from the digital productions place. That's an awful lot for a digital file of a play recording. If you can find it anywhere else, PLEASE send it my way. Just do it. Or else.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tom Cruise Proves My Point

Let's go over a couple of facts.

1) Okay, first of all, his real full name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. 

Irrelevant, but still. 

2) Tom Cruise is was hot.

Back in the day, he was pretty much the paragon of attractive celebrity. Now... not so much. I mean, not bad for age 50. His hairline hasn't even receded. But it just ain't what it used to be. 
Before:                      After:

3) Tom Cruise is really good at some things. Acting may not be one of them, but there are things.

We won't even talk about this. =>

4) Tom Cruise is moody and controlling. Immature. Spectacularly odd.

Or should we just ask Katie Holmes?


Despite being physically attractive, aging fairly well, and being good at many things, Tom Cruise is widely considered to be a Creepy McCreeperton. Weird. Strange. Odd. Take your pic. And the truth is that being hot does not count for very much when weighed against creepiness.


1) Edward is supposed to be Mr. Hot Stuff incarnate. Bella is incessantly talking about how good he smells, how nice his chest muscles are, how startling his eyes are, and his overall general appeal. All of which could qualify him for the Chippendales, but what else? 

This time it's the girl saying "What else? What else is there?"

2) Edward is good at stuff, like baseball and the piano.

3) He, too, is moody and controlling. He, too, does not act his age. He, too, does some weird, very NOT socially acceptable things.

Over 100 years old, still has the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. Also watching a girl sleep is the most fascinating thing he can do with his time. Obviously 100 years isn't enough time to have seen anyone sleeping before. And he definitely didn't sleep when he was alive. Ever.


Tom Cruise = Creepy despite good looks.
Creepy despite good looks = Not okay for healthy relationships
Edward = Tom Cruise
Edward = Not okay for healthy relationships

And this. We... we won't even talk about this.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Why I Never Want A Dog

When a stranger approaches

Cat's reaction: Slyly observe while pretending to be asleep or unconcerned

Dog's reaction: Bark

If the stranger turns out to be dangerous

Cat's reaction: Slash face with claws. Bite jugular. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Bark

When trapped some place it doesn't want to be

Cat's reaction: Move/climb things until an escape route is discovered or created

Dog's reaction: Bark

When left alone while owners are on vacation

Cat's reaction: Cool. I get the house to myself.

Dog's reaction: Whimper with loneliness. (A variation on 'bark')

When playing with owner's children in the woods

Cat's reaction: Scope the area from a sniper's POV. Keep a secure perimeter.


When children in the woods are threatened by a poisonous snake

Cat's reaction: Kill snake. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Jump between the snake and the children. Then bark.

When mice invade the house

Cat's reaction: Kill mice. Threat neutralized. Tasty snack acquired.

Dog's reaction: Bark.

Meaning when a cat sits on your lap: A sign of extreme affection, trust, and loyalty.

Meaning when a dog sits on your lap: Nothing. They do it 64 times a day.

When nature calls

Cat's reaction: Discretely relieve oneself. Bury evidence.

Dog's reaction: Go wherever the heck I feel like it. Preferably where someone will step in it.

When nature calls while inside

Cat's reaction: Go to the litter box

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When nature calls, and one is trapped indoors

Cat's reaction: Go to the litter box.

Dog's reaction: Go wherever the heck I feel like it. The middle of the floor looks nice.

When hungry

Cat's reaction: Sit on the food box and stare with soulful eyes. If owners are not present, acquire tasty snack.  Preferably mammalian (Mice or similar.)

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When bored

Cat's reaction: Find something to play with. Usually strings or insects. Problem resolved.


Preferred toys

Cat: Catnip, string, milk lids, insects, laser pointers, ribbons, anything on a string.

Dog: Couch cushions, slippers, newspapers, favorite shoes, favorite shirt, favorite antique.

When happy

Cat's reaction: This is the life.

Dog's reaction: I'm so happy I could just BARK!

When excited

Cat's reaction: Cool.

Dog's reaction: Knock owners down with unbounded energy while barking like a maniac.

When a strange animal invades territory

Cat's reaction: Enemy sighted. Extermination plan initiated. Drop on back. Blind with left hook. Decapitate. Threat neutralized.

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When lonely

Cat's reaction: What is this loneliness of which you speak?

Dog's reaction: Sad and mournful bark howl.

When getting a tummy rub

Cat's reaction: Purr

Dog's reaction: Affectionate bark

When left alone for several days while owners are on a business trip

Cat's reaction: Food supply, limited. Rationing initiated. Supplement by acquiring snacks. (Mammalian or avian, preferred. Reptilian or insect, acceptable.)

Dog's reaction: Look at all this food! Nomnomnomnom. *starves for three days*

When the mail comes

Cat's reaction: Oh, look. The mail. *sleeps*

Dog's reaction: Bark.

When a person is allergic to animals

Cat's reaction: And your point is...?

Dog's reaction: Rub, slobber, and jump all over the person in question. Then Bark.

When something surprises it

Cat's reaction: Freeze. Extend claws. Be prepared for anything. Analyze threat. Neutralize if necessary.

Dog's reaction: Bark.