Okay, okay. I’m not into my status as a BYU alum nearly enough for that title to be the most appropriate, but I couldn’t resist the joke, and you should all appreciate the cleverness of me.
At any rate, I fully intend to bring up the BYU dumpster fire that is currently still burning strong and bright. So, ya know, it’ll still be relevant.
ANYWAY
This is something important. More important than I think a lot of my acquaintances will realize. Especially those who have seen the BYU thing happening, and don’t understand why anyone cares, or what everyone is worked up about.
It’s important enough that I’m getting on my blog, which I only do like 2–3 times a year.
It’s so important that I’d like to make this post beautifully poetic. Add turns of phrase that will make you weak at the knees. Expound my point in a way that even C.S. Lewis would stand up and applaud. When things are deadly serious, it’s my natural reaction—as for many people—to want to create something equally serious, with more gravity than a neutron star.
But that’s not what I’m good at. I’m not as quick witted as some of my brilliant friends. I’m not as sharp-tongued. I’m not as wonderfully empathetic or naturally eloquent. And I want you to read this, not fall asleep.
So you get me. Raw, unfiltered, unserious, unable-to-not-make-dad-puns me. The me who is 57% likely to make a D&D reference at least once this post. The me who is categorically **gaaaaaaay. (The 7 As are important.)
Yes. You read that right. You would also be right in guessing that I’m scared to say that as loud as I just did. I’m 100% sure that someone I know and consider a friend is going to read that and feel very differently about me because of it.
But you know what else? I’m so sick of lurking in the shadows. I’m sick of being super cagey every time someone brings up celebrity crushes or Rom Coms or whatever it is. Because I want to participate in the conversation, but I can’t without being a little more vulnerable than everyone else. I’m tired of not remembering who knows and who doesn’t. I’m tired of panicking. I’m tired of being SUPER limited on who I talk to about things.
And you know what else I’m 100% sure about? That more people than I expect will either be not surprised at all or be super chill about it. I intellectually know that it’s really gonna be okay. But still, vulnerability is the worst.
**Note: this is a little bit of an over-simplification, but this post isn’t about the nitty gritty details of all the scales and where I land on each one. If you want to know, message me.
So now you know. Now the whole world has public access to this knowledge. You know that the first ever celebrity who gave me stomach butterflies was Rachel Weisz in the 1999 Mummy, and that if I ever told you the name of a guy celebrity in answer to “who is your crush” 93% of the time I was lying to you.
And you know that I didn’t do this a long time ago largely because I was unreasonably slow on the uptake. Like I mentioned before, I’m a high-wisdom build more than a high intelligence. I notice everything, but don’t process it all that quickly. It often takes me time to mentally get places.
(D&D reference: check.)
This is me.
Now, this BYU thing. Why do I want to talk about that? Well, it’s happening in the town I live in, for one thing. For two, a lot of the negative voices here are very, very loud, so a lot of people are feeling more alone than ever. Suicide rates are up, and they were already too high for the LGBT+ folks in Utah.
As much as we’d like to pretend that we as a people are all kind and generous and loving and inclusive… Utah is not as good at that as it should be. But WE CAN BE. We can be if people get off their high horses and listen to each other for just one hot second.
Sincerely listen. Not waiting for your turn to talk. Not laugh-emojiing things that others are trying to say. Not telling people to just get out. Not making fun of their profile pics as a form of debate. Not calling them brainwashed. Not accusing them of hatemongering. Not accusing them of lying to get publicity. And not regurgitating memorized things instead of paying attention. Check any privileges at the door and sit down for a minute.
Channel Pocahontas. “But If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.”
If you don’t know what happened this past week, the summarized version is this:
BYU as a school changed some of the language used in the honor code that each student agrees to follow. I have theories and rumors on why, but no sources to confirm them. The changes eliminated phrasing that specified “no homosexual behaviors”, essentially.
A bunch of nervous LGBT+ folks went to the honor code office and asked “does this mean what we think it means?” And they were told “yes. Yes it does.”
And the queer BYU babies rejoiced! People came out to friends and family. People held hands on campus for the first time ever. People felt weights lifted off of their shoulders, and for two weeks the world was filled with more rainbows than ever.
Then—after TWO WEEKS of letting everyone trust what had just happened—the CES folks up in Salt Lake were like “no, no, no. This simply will not do.” They issued a letter that basically said “The wording is gone. The rule is still there. Nothing actually changed. K bye.”
While using reasoning that is being unequally applied to ONLY LGBT+ situations.
And if that feels to you like a bait and switch, imagine how it felt to everyone who had posted pictures of themselves kissing someone on campus. Pictures that could now get them expelled. Imagine how it felt to people who finally felt safe enough to be vulnerable, only to have to suddenly hide again 2 weeks later.
- That is unprofessional.
- It is irresponsible.
- It is harmful more than helpful.
- It was ill-thought out.
No matter whether you agree or disagree with the changes, the execution of it all was hot garbage. No editors to check that the new wording worked right. No test audience to check that it would mean to other people what they wanted it to mean. No immediacy on the retraction. All of it was handled very poorly.
Okay. Turns out this is going to be a two-parter. There’s a lot I want to say about this, but my thoughts on the whole thing are still far too jumbled to be a post yet. I’m getting to it. I promise. I just gotta get this all organized in my brain. More next time.
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