Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Need You To Know This



Dear everyone,

I realized today that some people might think I am a constant complainer/whiner-baby.  I'm sorry. I know that I do whine an awful lot. I just wanted to make sure that you know a few things:

A) I have a constant compulsion to express everything that comes into my head. When you are inundated by blog posts, texts, stati, or my mouth running at 70mph, that's why. (Hence this post.) Keeping stuff to myself just does not ever happen UNLESS

B) It's super important. I can't explain it, but when something reaches a certain level of serious, the portcullis falls and you've got to be Fezzick to get through it. I only tell people vital things when I trust them more than implicitly.

Things of this type include (but are not limited to)


  • My deepest ambitions in life. I don't have many, but I hoard them like vintage superman comics. Thou shalt not touch. 
  • Fears. I'm totally open about some of the weird stuff that I'm afraid of. But I never tell people when I'm in the process of being honestly afraid. Ever. 
  • Future prospects
  • Serious pain, physical and emotional. Again, doesn't happen often. Sometimes I need people to know I'm tough, so I mention how my knee was hurting all day. But if it was hurting that badly,  I wouldn't say anything.

Like I said, I don't know why I have trouble sharing stuff like that. But I do. Though I imagine it may have something to do with C.

C) I believe very strongly in bravery and courage, especially in hard times.

(And yet, for some unfathomable reason, I was incredibly shocked to be sorted into Gryffindor on Pottermore. *shrug*)

THE most inexcusable crime that a book character can commit in my eyes is to be weak. (I don't mean physically.) When they choose what is easy instead of what is right. Example: Peter Pettigrew. I despise him so much. Flames. On the side of my face.

So yeah, I can't handle that absence of inner strength. And when something is both serious and super tough, again with the portcullis. I think I have a fear of showing weakness. Of not having that kind of inner-fortitude that I require in everyone else.

I guess I feel like complaining about serious things is a sign of the aforementioned cowardice.

I know that's not necessarily a healthy perspective, but it's gotten me through thus far.

All I'm really trying to say is, unless I tell you otherwise, it's a GOOD sign, when I'm whining and complaining all the live-long day. It means that everything is completely okay in my life, and all I can find to complain about are silly, stupid things like sore feet. Things that I don't even mind people knowing about.

Take it as my weirdo way of letting everyone know that all is well.

But if I ever get brooding and shifty-eyed, that's when you might want to find out what's going on.

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