Sunday, June 23, 2013

Apple Schmapple

There are two topics you should never discuss if you want to keep your friends...


There are 3. Politics, Religion, and the Apple corporation. 

Sometimes you're trying to do something, and you just can't get it to work. So you write a fussy facebook status, or a whiny blog post. Then you feel better, and you move on. Either that or someone who is actually helpful will comment and assist you with your difficulty. 

It works with everything else in life. 

Me: Man, I wish I knew how to make some good mac & cheese. 
Random commenter: Hey, I found this recipe on pinterest. You should try it.

Me: Aw, a flat tire! How will I get to my class today?
Random Commenter: Hey, I'll totally drive you. Also, my roommate can change a flat. We'll come right over. 

Me: Nooooo! Half my popsicle hit the ground. Why would you do this to me, popsicle?! Why?
Random commenter: Sadness! It is a tragic day. 

Me: GAH! Why is my compy dying? Work, buddy, work! Don't die on me yet.
Random commenter: Try this thing. It might help. Or you may just have to let it give up the ghost. :P 

BUT mention anything apple...

Me: Argh. itunes erased my ipod AGAIN. 
Random Commenter: itunes doesn't just arbitrarily erase things. You must have done something wrong. Stop blaming a product for you not knowing how to use it. 

Me: Urgh. Why can't I figure this thing out on the iphone? LAME. 
Random Commenter: Um... you're not allowed near technology anymore. 

Me: Argh, Iphone! Just let me load this video already. Why does apple have to hate me?
Random Commenter: First of all, it's the app, not the phone. Therefore it is not apple. Learn which is which, and stop complaining until you inform yourself first. 

So... explain to me again why apple is supposed to be immune to my first-world-problem frustrations?

Don't ask me why. I don't know. But I've never gotten more vehement reactions to facebook posts than when I say something about apple. 

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to ask anymore. I'd rather not use all the different parts of my phone, or spend 9 1/2 years trolling google for the answer, than have another jerk jump down my throat about it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like my iphone. It's a good, solid piece of equipment. And other than the fact that there is only one way to block an unwanted caller (which is to hack the phone's system and re-do it yourself, thus voiding all warranties), I've never had anything happen with it that made me actually consider boycotting iphones forever. 

Firstly, what all of you must realize is this: As long as I'm complaining about stuff, everything is okay. As soon as I get weirdly quiet and don't make any dumb comments about my feet hurting or something, you should probably begin asking what's actually wrong.

But secondly, yes, Apple is a successful company that put out many convenient products.And yes, it did come up with a creative new way to approach programming, which has helped countless people in many different fields.
I appreciate having an ipod, even if it does arbitrarily erase itself every few months. I appreciate having an iphone, even though I do have to suffer through repetitious spam callers. And I gotta admit, apple stuff always has better battery life. Which I very much approve of. I appreciate that there are songs you can get through the itunes store that you can't find anywhere else ever... oh wait. No, I don't really appreciate that. :P

In fact, itunes is pretty much the bane of my existence. But we won't get into specifics here.

But judging by the responses I get when I so much as mention an apple frustration, (and they are often very, very long and longwinded responses,) you'd think what I actually said was "All gay people are demons". 

Response: Jeez! You just can't say things like that, and anyway, it isn't true. 

But the funny thing about apple is... *drumroll please* it's not infallible! Who knew? Maybe it's a universal truth that all human beings are, in fact, human, and therefore deserving of the proper respect. But it is not a universal truth that apple stuff never messes up. Neither is it universally true that apple stuff works for everyone. 

The Right To Not Care About Apple Junk

1) Apple isn't infallible.

I've been using an ipod for like 6 years. (Yeah, yeah, not as long as most people. So sue me. 6 years is plenty long enough to get the idea down.) At this point in the constant erasure process, I'm very aware of everything I do that may or may not cause these things to happen. If I say that it got erased for no reason, then it got erased for no reason.

Sure, maybe it's more rare than with a cheapo mp3 player or something. I'm not doubting that. But I am doubting that every single problem that happens is a result of user stupidity. I am not stupid, and I would appreciate it if apple fans stopped acting like I was just because something went wrong with my technology. 

2) A human being's worth is not dependent on their apple-whisperer abilities. 

Ten ThousandSometimes I can't figure out something on my iphone. This makes me an idiot, apparently. I'm less than human because my natural reaction to wanting to take a screen shot wasn't "Gee, I bet holding the home button and the power button down at the same time would naturally take a screen shot." Really? Is this a human instinct that I somehow missed out on?
Just a few days ago, a guy at the library was listening to me moan about people's apple-related rudeness, and he heard me mention the screen shot thing. He pulled out his iphone (which he'd owned for a whole year) and tried it, and boy do I wish I had a picture of his face when it worked. It was kind of magical.

Technology is learned. Even for apple lovers. You had to pick it up some time from somewhere. Maybe it was along the way as a kid, and not in a computer tech lecture, but it still happened the same way. You just don't remember it.  

Well I didn't grow up with apple stuff. It does not come naturally to me, and I didn't pick it up along the way from a load of friends with expensive phones. In fact, a large number of my peers still have flip phones. 

I have to learn it the crash course way. Does that make me an idiot? Am I incompetent because I went into an iphone knowing nothing about how apple systems even function?                               No.                                                                                           Except that people constantly act like it does anyway. Someone had to be the very first person to tell me that double-clicking the home button brought up the close-apps screen. I'm just glad it was my mom, and not someone who was making fun of me not inherently knowing it already.

Just like the library guy, this could be a fun process. "OMG, look at what this phone can do!!" Why does it have to be so derogatory instead?

Maybe with iphones, I'm one of the 10,000. 

3) Logic

I don't even know how to react to that third kind of commenter. It's a little bit like "The reason your political views are wrong is because you're just dumb." Which, for whatever odd reason, everyone does. But it makes zero logical sense. 
But there's something else that makes even less sense. Wasn't it mr. Jobs who was all like "let's try this whole new, unique way of programming"? Isn't it apple who claims to be the company of thinking outside the box? Why yes. Yes they are. Here's an ad poster to suit my needs. There are many, many more. 
The premise of this idea is that creativity is good. That thinking outside the box is good. That we should all harness the uniqueness of our individual personalities, and use them to better the world in the ways we're suited to. 

Instead, hardcore apple fans be yelling "If you don't like apple stuff, you're stupid and never bothered to learn, and if you even tried a little it would be easy, and any problems you have are because you're just ignorant!" I've had every one of those things spewed venomously from multiple people on many different occasions.

They even make it look like you're a complete loser if you don't convert to apple and help them take over the world. 
You remember these ads.


Yet is this not the exact opposite of what apple claims to stand for? Is this not, in fact, a denial of everything that you so respect Steve Jobs for building?



You can't think different when you're too busy trying to cram everyone in the same box. Not everyone belongs in the box. Even if it's the creative, celebrate-our-uniqueness box, the problem is, it's still a box. 

Maybe I would understand macs better if I spent more time on them. I'm not saying that isn't true. But maybe a mac just wouldn't fulfill my personal needs. I mean, there are only 3 main things and a few minor ones that I ever even use a computer for. And 2 of those 3 I can't even do properly on a mac. (The remaining 3rd being to hang out on the internet which can be done on either with relative ease.) Macs just aren't designed for it. And therefore, a mac is not what I need in my life. 

It saves me money, anyway, since macs are way more expensive. Yet another reason that it's just not what I need right now. 

And according to Steve Jobs, that's okay. I'm allowed to not think like all the people who are apple fans. I'm allowed to need different things than they do. 

So let's make a deal. I'll let you keep loving apple stuff all you want if you stop ramming insults down my throat because I don't fit into your box. Deal?

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